Pho and those Vietnamese Delights..I am Past the Blogging Impasse

Whoa, I think I am past the blogging impasse, the writing occurrence is back.  I tell you it is not a pretense when the writers are saying they are having a block. Even my electronic mumblings drew a blank, I credit my editing class for that; because of the consciousness to dot the eyes and cross the tees I lost context and

became so aware of the form.  Not a good thing, as long as the ideya is there, one Pinoy colleague said.

Anyway,  I found this Pho restaurant, Pho King, through a friend and discovered a dish that is now a favorite, the Vietnamese Pancakes (Banh Xeo). So between slurps of pho soup and big bites of pancakes we talked about our faith, our concerns, and other issues that cloud our existence. This is where we have allayed our doubts and somehow gained confidence that we are going to be okay as long as we are with Him.  Girl downloads, seeking validation, approval, even a slight tap on the wrist saying it's not kosher seems to be all appropriate as words are uttered with bowed heads, evading a reaction, and just pretending to focus on the flavors of the pho.

Now, I am a regular, I go there for the pancake, I have influenced my Pinoy friends to this version of our ukoy and mami. 

Pho King
638 International Blvd
Oakland, CA 94606
510.444.0448

Just listen..

I was told that sometimes I rub people the wrong way, instead of making sympathetic noises I respond with a solution, ruining the moment. The moment of venting, of self abrogation, of sandbagging onself. I got a barage of frustrated, dismal repartee, whoa totally  unexpected.

Maybe, I don't want you to respond.

Maybe, I want you to just listen.

To let you know, I am hurting.

I was silenced, didn't know how to respond, all I wish is for her to be happy, not to carry that load.  It is unto Lordy, now. Sent through a silent prayer.

I got that, so when I met a good friend from college, yesterday.  Translation we were friends when we were barely in our 20s.  Now, we try to see each other once a year, during our birthday in October, we go to Chinatown, eat and shop. Such simple joys, the best time indeed.  So since we didn't meet last year, she had surgery. We met yesterday, updates.  It's funny that when we reach this age, we talk about hypertension, weight, arthirities, and all the bodily ills, before we delve on life, etc. 

I remember the old days, when we would have a ge togethers at my place, we talk a lot of nonsensical things but never did our faith figure out in the conversation. We go to church and pray in our own private way, but nothing is shared.  Now, we readily agreed that it was His grace that left her daughter unharmed after her car was totaled in the freeway, a hit and run by a drunk driver. How she is approaching her 25th wedding anniversary. It was a happy meeting, too bad she had to go to her appointment and I have to go back to work.

2008, I wonder what it will bring..

Our New Year's eve gathering was quiet but I wouldn't say bereft of the usual "kwentong kutsero" and the enjoyable company. Even Ann stayed up late to greet the New Year.  One thing echoed in the table, that 2008 will be taken more seriously, goals will be set, I can't say what, lest you look at me differently.  A couple who are dear to us is getting married, a few equally dear ones will follow, some of us may just plunge in a different direction, not to oblivion, he he.

I wish you joy in your walk, to the aisle, to the altar, unto that door of no return. Yes, to everyone that's is my wish. I also hope that we don't get so tangled with these ideas of what should and shouldn't be that we forget about now, about being happy. That happiness is really not about what we have amassed but what makes our hearts aflutter, what gives us peace and serenity. Like our faith and a deeper relationship with God, with that everything else will follow.

I thought, hmmm 2008 will have to be

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  Healthier, eating better
  
  


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  Better organization
  
  


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  Completed projects
  
  


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  Implement more
  
  


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  Write
  
  


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  Compassion
  
  


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  Be with Lordy more
  
  

Feeling a little better...

I have a body clock that wakes me up at midnight to remind me of things undone.. well it works if i am on schedule, days like these, not so sure..

I feel a little better, but yesterday or even the day before was horrible, I had the chills, so  congested that I can only curl on my bed, crank up the heat, and recite my Hail Mary's (for old Catholics that's just what we can do).

I can tell that the season has changed, this is how my system welcomes it, it didn't even allow me to catchup with my reading or writing, I was just down. I think I can do with another day off, people will veer away from me anyway, not wanting to catch what I got, and not in a discreet way mind you.

The other day a friend of mine called, she has been trying to reach me to no avail (she is on east coast time).  After a good amount of download she reached this conclusion that I am lonely.  I was surprised, I responded, no this can't be a lonely time in life, this is one of the best times,  after all, it is my birthday next week.  Until it dawned on me, that she is feeling lonely and taken for granted, and she wanted to feel needed, to hold my hand.  This when I have already hung up, too late, I wish I have been more sensitive, my only excuse is that I am in a hurry to get to work, and I can't find my ATM card.

Lordy, gives us that doze, a lot of times, an opportunity to be selfless, if only we recognize it, then the cycle will be complete.

You know..

I had a chance to talk to him one-on-one, I got to know him a little better, marriage is in the plan, (not for me haha) he wanted it sooner.  I m glad, happy for them, the conversation segued into other things, having friends, cooking etc.  It provided an opening for me to just say, "You know she is very dear to us, you better take care of her, or we will be on your case" He countered, you don't have to worry on that regard, I know who she came with, I promise I will.  Not that I needed an assurance, I saw the connection even before they did.  I am like that, I can see, what others can't, and no it is not the "I can see dead people variety" :)

Speaking of which, on Sunday, overenthused me, I just kept thrusting this friend of mine to meet other members of the church,  I know, she will be instrumental in the formation of a Young Adult Group in OLL, and a lot of things after that. Just people of the same faith connecting, celebrating Lordy.

Finally, I would like to share the story of this couple, it will be shown in the Mill Valley film festival.

Recrimination - attonement..

Several posts ago, I talked about lost friends, venting about this friend of mine.  He read it and said "how can you spank me like that".  I think we are more this. Hmm, I don't know, when things are highlighted we search our minds for answers.  But most of the time, things are just being swept under the rug.  The conversation ran into ownership (there is only one person who can claim that :), blah blah. One thing is true, some things you can't force, it's better to let go, than hang on to it and totally lose even the good memories.  The more you pull, the more the other party pushes.

 It's awright, that's life. We evolve, we move on..

The joyful drama of life, a diorama..

I was on the bus one morning, normally I will be listening to the news or reading something.  I guess I don't have my ignore-the world props that I paid attention.  The picture is of 2 women, I'm guessing a mother and daughter, they were not talking/nor interacting, I saw the smile of contentment, the joy of being together.  How they were drawing the warmth of love and affection from each other, such a quiet expression of love. 

On one side, looking out the window this is what I saw.  If that wall could only speak, it would say to us "you're lucky consumers you have enough choices to make a decision" and to itself, prostituting oneself to the highest bidder is such a bad idea.  This sort of reminded me of a friend of mine, she does not believe in choosing this way. If she is entertaining someone, trying to discover possibilities, she will not even consider going out with anybody else. She likes to give the person her full attention so that her decision is not clouded she says.  She feels cheap going out with more than one person.  Way to go, girl!

I am not paying attention, noticing things, but I didn't get the signal, when I received separate phone calls, and more than one at that.  I was blabbing, "oh I'm going to have lunch with her" and he said, "that's kinda awkward, she just broke up with me. This time I think it is with finality."  I can only say, maybe it's time to examine yourself as to what went wrong, he said he will.  I know, he is banking on an update from me. 

I get a good amount of download, it does not come from a "how are you?". The how are you, that is hard to answer.  Half the time the person asking is not expecting a laborious account of one's day.  It comes in spurts, sometimes I have to pry, sometimes just dropped on my lap, sometimes a quiet whisper (no, not the pinoy way of whispering a shout).  A trusting account of what happened.  Most of the time, I am not expected to do anything, just to listen. In the end, a resolve to put in my bag of prayer wishes, that sometimes get bundled in "Lordy, please be with them, give them strength, and the realization that it is not all pain. That under the bitterness of it all, is a joyful, sweet reward of Your embrace".

On making love..

Got you there huh! Isn't that an act of making love :).  I visited with a friend today, she has a lovely apartment, very cozy and comfortable. As always conversation would lead to sharing of love-God experiences, how it was before we discovered that we are maturing in our faith. Anyway, we have this observation about how we land in relationships with undesirable or individuals that we are incompatible  with. It seems like we feel important, verified, when attention is given to us.  Having been given that attention, we allow ourselves to be manipulated, thinking that it is in response to such an affectionate displays, the attention.  We tend to overcome the signals, the warning bells that spells trouble.

That's why "let's just make love" forget about the ifs, the buts, etc. I have the coins :).  Seriously though, one thing that I realized is we can't do it alone, God has to be a part of it, so that we are able to discern, knowing what He wants from us, then we make the right decisions, the right choices.

A gathering of friends...

It is always a pleasure to be in the company of friends, enjoying good food, wine, unabashedly making our positions known, each respectful of one's circumstance, their being, yet alacritous in our gentle responses (:)

We are drawn together by faith, Catholics, yet different approaches, one in our beliefs, in our love for God.  Nothing is more personal than the sharing of faith, praying for each other's strength, building a community of faithfuls.

It is always a discovery.  Gleeful it may be, but we have to go back to our own niches, we need reminded of the things that we learned.  Trying to apply the Word in our own lives.  We always hear the saying, leave your life like it is the last.  Does that not mean that we should drink to oblivion, eat or have sex, shop until we drop? Should we attone, be prepared make sure that there are no stones unturned?

Lordy said, "we don't know when the time will come, so we should always be prepared".  Makes sense doesn't it?

In our preparation, though (I should have a disclaimer here, that all references to you, our or anything in the second person is really my observation) humans that we are, allow ourselves to dwell on the trivialities of this existence. We try to find excuses for things that we do but shouldn't and not continue to find those that we failed to do.