Recrimination - attonement..

Several posts ago, I talked about lost friends, venting about this friend of mine.  He read it and said "how can you spank me like that".  I think we are more this. Hmm, I don't know, when things are highlighted we search our minds for answers.  But most of the time, things are just being swept under the rug.  The conversation ran into ownership (there is only one person who can claim that :), blah blah. One thing is true, some things you can't force, it's better to let go, than hang on to it and totally lose even the good memories.  The more you pull, the more the other party pushes.

 It's awright, that's life. We evolve, we move on..

On making love..

Got you there huh! Isn't that an act of making love :).  I visited with a friend today, she has a lovely apartment, very cozy and comfortable. As always conversation would lead to sharing of love-God experiences, how it was before we discovered that we are maturing in our faith. Anyway, we have this observation about how we land in relationships with undesirable or individuals that we are incompatible  with. It seems like we feel important, verified, when attention is given to us.  Having been given that attention, we allow ourselves to be manipulated, thinking that it is in response to such an affectionate displays, the attention.  We tend to overcome the signals, the warning bells that spells trouble.

That's why "let's just make love" forget about the ifs, the buts, etc. I have the coins :).  Seriously though, one thing that I realized is we can't do it alone, God has to be a part of it, so that we are able to discern, knowing what He wants from us, then we make the right decisions, the right choices.

My faith..

It is early morning and I am still up, while there is a blogger that I follow who's up early in the morning, doing what I do now.  There is a reason for this, I am mulling thinking about my faith.  It is my turn to share about my faith in RCIA and I am just now organizing my thoughts.

I am a cradle Catholic. Raised by conservative parents in the beginning of Vatican II. I was very accepting of the tradition of my faith.  Have always questioned why things are done the way they are.  My love for Him and my belief has never wavered but the church structure I took exceptions. But then it was always, do this or you will go to hell.  It was not a promise of eternal joy of knowing Him, but the threat of burning in hell if I don't do good. 

There was reverence but no relationship, a very childish approach.  As I grow and matured in my belief, I now know one thing, the resistance then, was pride. I resisted because I did not want to relinquish my perceived control of my being. In doing so, my faith then was superficial because I did not have trust in my creator, I wanted to still be in control.

My faith journey will not end here, as I am only realizing these things, grateful for the chance of knowing, accepting, and learning. Thank you Lordy.

Sensitivities or idiocies

The id, self, ego - is a very complicated one.  I have often talked about it's persistence the  need to be recognized, sometimes to a fault.  We react wrongly because we felt that we have been slighted, that what was said was an effrontery to our being. Yet, that self-persistence causes us to say words that are sometimes offending and hurtful to others too.

I know that this is not what makes us, our being.  There is the attributes- personality- character and then our being.  It begins with the innate, complemented by other influences, such as family, environment, faith.  The ability to distinguish good from evil is said to be innate.

Why do I ask this? As I mature in my faith, I recognize that Lordy plays an important role, if only, we will allow Him. With our faith, we are taught understanding, love for others, giving us the ability to not give in to a knee-jerk reaction to defend that oft-thought-of slighted self.

The funny thing about it, we sometimes (sorry we, means I) react with strong words, when the dust settles, we feel bad at having hurt someone and be miserable about it.

Ayyya yyyy, life is so complicated.

Yesterday, Thursday

Yesterday, Thursday, yes, pre-Friday, post-humpday as such not so busy not uneventful either.

I received a call from a woman in church, she had a mishap and would need help taking care of things, like grocery shopping. I am away and will not be able to do anything but I just know the person who will be able to. She is from the same neighborhood and she is one who is always willing to help. This is proof that the community is working, God's people are willing help and be helped. The openness is present, just as He wanted. I also heard that a few people who has been absent from the Bible Study came last Wednesday, wow..

Speaking of phone calls, travails of motherhood and singlehood, also had my phone line burning. Colic and aceite de manzanilla, cost of special formula, moving back to San Francisco, there is excitement in her voice despite all the time consuming details that comes with motherhood. On another hand, there is lawyer's fees for a family property, a practice, finding HER man, the father of her child, and other family issues. Details that makes her wonder, when it is going to stop, when is she going to finally have something that she can call her own. I can only say one thing, "Have you tried praying?"

Back in my world, on a lesser scale, we finished early, had time to meander a little bit, rest, and dwell. There was hospitality night at the hotel, I just partook of dip and chips to fill the gap. Then we went to dinner at Basil Thai, the decor was well thought-off, the price was okay, the food was good, well prepared. What was important was we had occassion to break bread with someone from another office (SCO) got to know her, which wouldn't have happened if not for this TDY.

Oh, but I didn't tell you about Sunday, for some reason I wanted to have an emotional cleansing, women do this, we just had to cry. I culled on the sad stories, there was no good-makes-you-cry Lifetime movie. Nothing, I wasn't able to reach the desired renewal. Maybe it was a silly process, that there is really nothing to empty at that point, it is not that I am ecstatic, in 7th heaven, about my life. There is the stable, contented existence with Lordy in it, that I momentarily overlooked. I do the heart emptying everytime I talk to him, therefore, nothing accumulates that would require such a melodramatic preparation to heal.

The Veritable List

I had one sign-up for RCIA sponsorship, a good one, considering the first meeting is already the end of the month, they should have discerned, what they want to participate in.

I had brunch with friends at the Cote d' Or good food, slow service. This is a place to lounge, savor food, and enjoy the company.  Anyway, of course the conversation led to men, what they can be, jealous as "H" if their territory is theatened.  The threat can be real or imagined, mind you.

So, here's the list of common observations about men:

1. He is a Catholic, but he does not go to church.


2. He drinks. (He is Catholic, isn't he?)


3. He can be incommunicado for a while and just creep out of the woodwork and expect you to be available.

Now, here is a list of how he should be:

1. He should believe in God and practice his beliefs the way or more than I do.


2. Everything follows naturally after that, I would say, respectful, trusting, trustworthy, etc.

A friend, who is like a second mom to me said:

1. He should love you as you love him


2. Enjoy life.


3. Stay away from the superficialness of this material world :)


4. Live, love, and enjoy.

Pretty simple lists, don't you think?