My theory on faith...

Thanksgiving..

Thanksgiving had Tea cooking, slaving in the kitchen over pies, dressing (stuffing), and mashed potatoes. The milk on her pie is soy (tofu) milk. That gurl has energy, energy to stand by what she believes in, from sugar, to margarine, everything has to be produced ethically right. I am not oriented in any other way, just because I had occassion to see some of the primitive processes, and I can easily say that no cruelty is done, but then again I probably had more tolerance than others.  Tolerance not indifference mind you.  Anyway, it was a very pleasant dinner, a mixed group, indeed.

Conversation went from childhood to religion.  How it is difficult for some who were educated in the pre-Vatican II were made to memorize the Baltimore Cathechism. The teachings which had a clear definition of things, how an infraction can send someone careening to hell and with the new teachings those who were caught in between had nowhere to go. 

He was being funny, he said it is difficult to believe, but his kids are studying in a Catholic School, it is kinda like the idea that being a Catholic is like ball in chain, yet he still believes.

Some of us played scrabble, Tea's friend, jokingly said, for a Catholic you cleaned out pretty good.  To that we had a good laugh, true we can be labeled as such, we like being so..

Hey I was able to nudge a friend that her ploy of disappearing so that we will miss her, actually worked.

But I am digressing, I would like to share the things that I am thankful about:

• family (given)


• friends-great ones, am discovering and seeing a different side every time...


• dysfunction, then I am able to see what is and what isn't


• relationships, good, failed, and the wishful


• recognition that there is a God, and the sensitivity to recognize


• to black Fridays and grey Thursdays (althought we didn't really participate) I got a cheap slow cooker


• the growing consciousness of the need to care for the environment (I actually pledged not to buy bottled water)


• compassion not pity or worst patronizing


• the thinking people around me, they make my world colorful


• the ability to be still and savor the joys of life


• happiness

Thanks everyone for making this happen..

Emotions: a compendium or a pandemonium

Jubilant: Last week the neighborhood was in a jubilant mood, you would think that the second coming is upon us.  The reason, Trader Joe's just opened, that means they don't have to limit themselves to Safeway and Lucky's on the other side of the lake.  I was one of those who checked it out, bought some persimmons, saw quite a number of people from church. That tells us that we are indeed in a consumerist world.

Wonder: I was in a bit of a funk last week, belatedly, (I did say the party is over, some posts ago) wondering if I am doing what God wants me to do.

Contentment: Contentment is being in that place where there is no wanting, that feeling that everything the is needed we have. A difficult state to be achieved, noting that consumerist state. The first dictum in economics that I learned in college is that Man by nature is insatiable.

Happy: About life in general, my family, friends, my place is even clean:) T talking about her aunt said she is always happy, she has a happy marriage.  In my play of words, I countered, she has a happy marriage, becuase she has a happy disposition.  A relationship cannot be the result of a state of being, it is the other way around. Yes?

Sadness: The parish community was saddened yesterday with the news that the mother of our Pastor passed away, during the 9:00 am mass. She who brought him to life, taught him the grace and virtues to want to be a priest. I didn't know that I have an emotional connection with her that I cried almost to a howl. I pray for the repose of her soul, happy in a way that she will be with Him and enjoy eternal life.

Behave..

Last Wednesday, we struggled with our interpretation of the readings and the Gospel for this Sunday.  There was the master who complimented his manager about being shrewd and Jesus saying something about cultivating relationships with material things, in the end God remembers who did and who didn't.  It was certainly about generosity contradicted by greed but there were underlying messages that we can't seem to fathom.

A more collected member summed it up as we just have to behave and everything will be alright.  Yes, it is so easy to say BEHAVE. One word, it means towing the line, following the rules, not giving in to temptations, there's a whole lot of things in that bag. 

To follow the rules is to behave, the act itself is behavior (there I am again with my syllogisms, y'all know I am not a native speaker).  Sometimes openness does not really mean not being able to contain oneself and just giving in to our thoughts.  Allowing us to make unwieldly (w?) actions.  Therefore, it is bad behavior to think and act outside the confines of what is proper, what is within the purview of  God's desires.  No, this is not the thinking outside the box that I always talk about. It is not the norm, the trend, the latest fad, it is what God wanted us to do even if we are the only ones living that way. Yeah, can we really?

With all these I was reminded of the Capital Sins and the Virtues that those Sins Opposed, a little Cathechism here:

                                        Pride                      Humility
                                        Covetousness        Liberality
                                        Lust                       Chastity
                                        Anger                    Meekness
                                        Gluttony                Temperance
                                        Envy                       Brotherly love
                                         Sloth                      Diligence

With that I say, BEHAVE.  Try we can.

Yesterday, Thursday

Yesterday, Thursday, yes, pre-Friday, post-humpday as such not so busy not uneventful either.

I received a call from a woman in church, she had a mishap and would need help taking care of things, like grocery shopping. I am away and will not be able to do anything but I just know the person who will be able to. She is from the same neighborhood and she is one who is always willing to help. This is proof that the community is working, God's people are willing help and be helped. The openness is present, just as He wanted. I also heard that a few people who has been absent from the Bible Study came last Wednesday, wow..

Speaking of phone calls, travails of motherhood and singlehood, also had my phone line burning. Colic and aceite de manzanilla, cost of special formula, moving back to San Francisco, there is excitement in her voice despite all the time consuming details that comes with motherhood. On another hand, there is lawyer's fees for a family property, a practice, finding HER man, the father of her child, and other family issues. Details that makes her wonder, when it is going to stop, when is she going to finally have something that she can call her own. I can only say one thing, "Have you tried praying?"

Back in my world, on a lesser scale, we finished early, had time to meander a little bit, rest, and dwell. There was hospitality night at the hotel, I just partook of dip and chips to fill the gap. Then we went to dinner at Basil Thai, the decor was well thought-off, the price was okay, the food was good, well prepared. What was important was we had occassion to break bread with someone from another office (SCO) got to know her, which wouldn't have happened if not for this TDY.

Oh, but I didn't tell you about Sunday, for some reason I wanted to have an emotional cleansing, women do this, we just had to cry. I culled on the sad stories, there was no good-makes-you-cry Lifetime movie. Nothing, I wasn't able to reach the desired renewal. Maybe it was a silly process, that there is really nothing to empty at that point, it is not that I am ecstatic, in 7th heaven, about my life. There is the stable, contented existence with Lordy in it, that I momentarily overlooked. I do the heart emptying everytime I talk to him, therefore, nothing accumulates that would require such a melodramatic preparation to heal.

The Church Library on Boden Way..

The church library on Boden way has been a witness to many a conversion in RCIA, tears shed-baring of souls in Bible Studies, intense communication with God in centering prayers, and life changing witness in 10 steps meeting.

Yesterday was the opening RCIA night, I look around, the welcoming faces of sponsors and team members, the hopeful happy ones of the inquirers. So promising, I wish them a great journey, and grateful that I will be there to witness.

Tonight, we will learn the Word in that room, discovering the Gospel for Sunday, trying to answer burning questions, pray that the grief that's causing our hearts to bleed will be taken away or that our hearts will stop bleeding, and break bread as we chatter endlessly updating each other fo what's new with our lives.

Tomorrow and the day after will be different stories, stories of life, new beginnings, stories that are heard and left there. After all just like the walls of that room, we are only a witness, a companion to someone's journey as they are in ours.

The beginning, a meeting..

I went inside the Davan Thai on Webster, swung my head to find her, we have not met before, only spoken on the phone couple of times, didn't have to look for her long, we instantly recognized each other.  I sat down and blabbed as if we have known each other for a long time.  Too bad I onlyhad  an hour break.

She had her first taste of the Catholic Church, when she raised her hands in a children's camp to volunteer to get on the van and attend mass. She had her communion, without knowing what the significance of it all. She attended Catholic school, her father is Catholic, she is married to a Catholic, she apparently has quite a number of Catholic friends.  It feels that she is being ushered slowly in the Church.  No, it was not an epiphany, it is almost a given that she will be a convert.

She had questions, which I hope I was able to answer. Questions, like:

1. Why don't I need to be baptized, if I have already been, even if it is with a different tradition?


2. Would you be offended if I told you that I partook of communion without preparation?

I said, no you don't need to be baptized if your baptism in a different Christian tradition is by immersion in water, because the Catholic Church believes in one God. one baptism, one church, and we all are being baptized to accept the same God.

It does not offend me if someone partook of communion without preparation for it, as I look at it as it having a different meaning for me as it is for someone who has no preparation.  I also believe that the pureness of one's intentions qualifies anyone into participation of our tradition.  Lordy would have understood.

What is admirable is her desire to start a family in the Catholic tradition, to be able to set an example to her children and be able to raise them Catholics. No prodding, no long winded preaching, she is just following the desires of her heart, to glorify Him and make Him a big factor of her life.

To that I say, "Amen".

Anent to the tomorrow of yesterday, which is today

Nonsense: I use to get a kick with my niece helping her figure out familial relationships, when I'd say, how can he be your dad, when he is my brother, and he is also my mother's son. Just like the title, there's a lot of ways things can be said.

Anyway, it just dawned on me, why I was blabbering about conversation and all that yesterday.  It was a rueful sense of trying to correct things, feeling that I have manipulated the conversation during our meeting instead of trying to facilitate. Hope I didn't shutdown anyone. Y'all know what am talking about.

Today was pretty overwhelming 7:00 cab ride to Amtrak, Sac at 10:45, cab to the office, meeting, bumped into Bill of TAC support, ( I am their favorite client-so many tickets) would have visited with them but just have too many things to cover.  Missed the 5:45, met with  a friend instead.  Didn't realize that I have not seen him in over a year. Ours is an undefined connection, we do say ouch when neglected. Back on the 7:45 and home at 10:00.

Twice today, I was asked how my life has progressed since they last saw me, I was so busy but things seemed so uneventful with my narratives. It did appear it was a boring existence, but I was smiling, so it must be a nevertheless fulfilling one.  Maybe Lordy's 24-hour surveillance is totally focused on me, he he, such that He has a cushion ready for my fall..

Much as I want to maintain the anonimity of this site, congratulations Theresa on the new apartment. Let me know if you need help, we will be there for you. Yes, indeed, thank you Lordy.

On a more serious note, the other day, on my way to an appointment, I was browsing through my Handbook of Prayers. There glaring at me is a guide to the examination of conscience before confession.  One would think that an aberration to the Ten Commandments would be murder, adultery, and such major offences that are also in violation of the law of the land and would therefore constitute mortal sin.  A cleansing of the conscience also covers thoughts, things that are not even exhibited externally. There are other things too, like how one carry oneself, dressing appropriately, there is a whole rigamarole (w?) on propriety, distraction at mass, being prayerful.  I have this idea though, that I should not stay away from what may be construed as corruptive, for only then will I know that I have the strength to stay away from temptation and "toe the line".

Life is better experienced with Lordy! Philosophies and theologies welcomed but not required.

Tomorrow..

Am I even spelling my title right? This word is the most challenging when I was a child, somehow I never know whether it is double r or double m. But then I am not anal about these things, I can let all these pass and not be bothered by it.  Although, some reader will be and will even call my attention about it.  (No reason for the itals, just that this opening lines is not part of my blabs).

As an aside, is re-occuring a word, isn't that a bit redundant,  how about recurring?

I was going to talk about how the stream of consciousness is different from our mind chatters or that hateful silence in a conversation awaiting for a reaction from the other preson.  The other person is already responding but is not vocalizing it.  I'd say a safe way of silencing the other is for one to be silent themseves.  Silence also creates a noncommital response therefore not offending the other but getting no resolution either.  As a child, we always assumed that silence means "yes", yippee, we just have to dart out of the room quickly, lest that silence becomes an emphatic no.

A non-wordy or one with a poor batting average is difficult conversation. Unless it is with someone where we can appreciate each other's presence, silence can be unbearable. That's when we blurt things out or just say words that don't even hold any meaning.  An old cliche "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" somehow doesn't seem to figure out in today's conversation. 

I use to have a conversation soiree that just turned into a regular get together, it seemed to appeal to only certain age groups.  It just dawned on me that the reason why blogging is so popular is because it is a one-way conversation, hah, I say my premise (there can even be none) and log off. Good bye, "you are the weakest link".

***

But the title is tomorrow, which promises to be a busy day, not that it is different from today, where menial tasks need to be attended to that takes up time and attention.  The highlight, however, is our discussion today about punishment and the reward for it, the greater enjoyment of life, the eternal love and salvation. Remember, we are on 24-hour surveillance, we can't hide.

My friend and I always say we don't want to be too Catholicky that we're cool dudettes but slowly as we mature in our beliefs, we don't mind being uncool, we would attest to our faith.  We cradlers, were just mouthing the words to Hail Mary and talk to God in our haphazard way because we know we are loved. We were more scared of the repercussion of our actions the "punishment of going to hell" than the meaning of it all. Now, as we grow, we learn to savor this relationship with God, find contentment in our hearts, learned to live his way (no, not to perfection) understanding his word, recognizing the will of the Holy Sprit, we are ready to jump up and down and sing his praises.

Will be on a train tomorrow to Sacramento, this should be a promising day. So I better get off and get ready.