Looking back-a musing of sorts, amusing thoughts in search of my muse

There are so many things worth mentioning, as the past 3 weekends I was caught in a frenzy of being with friends whom I don't see as often as I wish. Then it goes in a cycle, that I would see them at least once a month to catchup mostly and to see if we are still alive and happy.  Hence, the question "Are you happy?".

But I was happiest when I met with this friend, well first she called and in her overexcited tone, gushed, I get it .. I get it, what you have been sharing with me.  What is going on, I am clueless, then she said, in a chuckle, it is all Lordy, I am happy because of Him. So I don't have this, my being complete is having Him in my life, all others don't matter.  Besides I learned not to take things personally.  I am liking this, whew, that took too long. That was momentous, I was almost in tears when she finished with her story. 

Wow, if that is the kind of news I am going to get, I will welcome that every time. 

Relationships that didn't work, we looked at it as a sign from Lordy that he is not the one, that it is time to search for someone whom she can have and hold. She is too busy anyway.  On another hand, there are relationships that are blossoming despite the trials, the differences in personalities, it is all sooo beautiful.

Plans of settling down, the roles that friends will eventually play in rearing children, in family life, I said, yes of course.  Themes, ahh too many to recount, all in a good, happy tone. 

Hotel T is abuzz, guest after guest after guest, she is celebrating these visits with cooking, movies, and short trips, I know she would sneak in a St. Albert's visit or two.:)

Next week is hectic, it seems that the world is revolving around the 21st, too many things going on, I would like to be in all of them, but can't have to choose the first one I said yes to. In the meantime, laundry and sewing will just have to wait for another day.

Coming from an appointment, I had lunch with Umberto Eco and his Travels in Hyperrality at a Vietnamese resto. I love how he weave his words, talk about maniacally faked museum displays.  He is a perfect company to this dish of fried fish in coconut milk with mushrooms and bean threads.  It was priced like dinner though, increasing gas price is affecting the food market severely.  Going back to Umberto, he didn't agree with another outing at a Japanese place with tempura udon, too hard to navigate.  But the Japanese place worked with a friend, now I am bloated to the point of stupor, and I have homework to do.

In the meantime, I am thinking of lavender spice, summer savory, and some marjoram, to grill some aging beets from a farmers market trip of 3 weeks ago.  I am sure it will be suffused with flavor and will make for an enjoyable meal.  That will certainly help extenuate indulgences of the previous days.

Speaking of aging, I was waiting for my ride, one morning at the lobby of my apartment bldg.  The lobby has this big mirror, to give the impression of roominess.  I was examining my morning fresh skin ha ha.. when lo and behold I saw this tiny wrinkles creeping on my neck.  Almost like the one's on your jeans when you pretend that it was pressed but just got creased in the closet but by the end of the day, the fabric would loosen and crease had vanished. In this case, the neck wrinkles will not go away, instead it will multiply, ha ha, I sure wish for every wrinkle there is that will grow on this face there is an equivalent good deed or some amount of wisdom earned.

Finally, to close this hodge podge of unrehearsed thoughts, somebody made a comment on "The sum of all fears" post and claimed that pride and God are synonymous.  Why does it feel like evil and good put together. Oh well, I am not going to respond to that, an oxymoron, that's what it is.

Chikka...

The reason for that is..

That sounded so serious huh!, my previous post, I mean  No, it is nothing profound, it was because it took me forever to create something out of a recipe.  Funny.. i know, i know, but I have been reading marketman and his posts on the pinoy cuisine, he talks about food, with side comments about culture and the pinoy ways.   Then there is Cafe Fernando in Turkey and a host of others that can divert me from the task at hand.  But there was a bake sale this morning for the church choir, so I had to participate.

That didn't come without some self examination. I had to look at myself (silly noh) to discover why it is so hard for me to create anything that is baked.  Once I was able to get over that hurdle, and figure out my fears he he, I was able to make a poppy seed lemon cake and  banana cookies not sure how it fared.  The exercise liberated me and I am now raring to make a red velvet cake.  My friend made butterfinger cookies, so good, it's amazing what you can do with a stick of butter, ha ha..

When I was undergoing PT for my tennis elbow, I had it conveniently scheduled around lunchtime, so that I can stop in Chinatown for good grubs. One time I went and just got some dimsum from the cart and was so suprised at the bill of what would normally be a less than 10.00 lunch.  Well, it turned out that the roast pork was actually a suckling pig.  I was not able to savor my food, I had an an attack of conscience like why am I eating a suckling pig, when it could have grown to it's full potential and fed more people.

Anyway, my forays with cooking has led me to less wastage, I made cherry compote, kiwi salad dressing, and lemon preserves.  Oh, just because marketman of marketmanila.com had this  a series on lechon making, I made my own version using the ronco rotiserie, it was pretty good, but of course I had to eat it in small doses lest my cholesterol give in to the surge. I also made paksiw na ulo ng salmon, to the non pinoys this is salmon head cooked in kamyas a sour fruit from the tropics.

Life is good... :)

The Sum of all Fears

With gratitude to Tom Clancy for the title, content not included.

We often hear about "fear of itself".  I think the sum of all fears is that of rejection. We fear failure for we don't want to be ridiculted. We fear success because it will bring an expectation, a higher benchmark that may result in failure.

There is also the fear of the unknown, fear of being judged by our peers.  It is indeed a sad state of affairs that we are trapped in a momentous insecurity, the uncertainty of what will become and the rejection that may accompany it.

In yesterday's Bible Study, we talked about, our struggles as humans, struggle to be righteous by God, the struggle of reputation, that of __.

What is glaring though is, if we acknowledge, if we allow ourselves to be right by God and live by His words, it will bring love and compassion in us, ridding ourselves of these humanly ills, that of fearing rejection and a bad reputation. The refusal to accept God's grace.

This is further confirmed in today's gospel, when God said, He wanted to be known, to be loved, rather than receive burnt offerings. Ahhh, it is a strange world, we seek and yet we elude finding that eternal happiness, that contentment, because we refuse to give up that worldly malaise called pride, that self absorption that brings us nothing but pain.