Turned me into a golden girl.. yup that was last year, then I was thinking of making a grand entrance in the grown up world.. Sort of like a debutant, being presented to the society.. a coming out party.. In my case, it would have been something like err.. future wheelchair client or depend user..ha ah.. Does that sound pathetic.. no I am a realist, kinda enjoying it...
Anyway, so I was thinking of having a big bash, but in this economy, it didn't seem right and self-focus does not really fall right into the Christian doctrines that I am trying to practice.
Aging, in today's world seems to be equated with the what ifs, should haves and not an inner peace or conentment, which is the source of real happiness. But how can I say, that I am old I can't be the president of some company or the country when that is not the direction that I am heading. Or being a nerosurgeon, when I am even a receptionist at a clinic. Ha ha, what I really want to be is to be a simple "
kusinera" maybe work in a soup kitchen..
Anyway, so when friends ask if I want to celebrate, I politely declined, asking if they can donate instead to a cause that I was supporting at work. Does that sound a candidate for martyrdom? No, I was discovering the joys of humility, the real one.. the antithesis of pride. I was beginning to discover that underlying evil of pride and I can tell you, it is not pretty.
So, that's the reason for this long silence, plus as life would have it, I have experienced some departures from this world, can't compete with Lordy eh.. a good friend decided that she has had enough in this distressful existence and at a young age left, she would have been married by now.. and to think that we were just talking about her wedding, even to the last details as to the toast, etc. She did offer me the maid-of-honor position, but I know her other friend is more deserving.
My mentor, who taught me about corporate law and to read and read and be aware of developments around me. She came in to work at banker's hour, to give me time to sneak in and she beat me to it. She would give me a ride home, but that didn't come free, I would get lectures on the importance of trust, of credibility of quality of work.
My DAD, whom I had a trying relationship when I got older and supposedly became wiser. It is when he is gone that I discovered that he was such a great dad, the person that he is.
Another friend, who would have been but is not, a case of two opinionated Economics-trained but not practising professionally can be a detraction. What with all those pent up ideas about demand and supply, about outsourcing which was not the model during our time.
A good friend from high school, who 30 years after was still a friend. How we cherished our days of discovering what life was all about, plotting our future not knowing what the variables are, just that we were going to college and that all bets are on. Who would think that the big C will strike, instead of the future we would talk about hurrying up to see her, as there might not be time. That we would joke about having cancer is not an excuse to be special, that she is just our special friend, a dear one with our without.
One's passing is not morbid at all, it is a phase to move on, to be with Lordy as we are wont to be. With those passing came new lives, weddings, births, beginnings, discovering Lordy, joining an order.
Ah, yes, I was touched by Midas, I am now golden, in spirit, in my heart, and raring to take on what Lordy would like me to experience.
It is a phase, I don't know how different it is going to be.. so join me for this ride...
