Thanksgiving..

Thanksgiving had Tea cooking, slaving in the kitchen over pies, dressing (stuffing), and mashed potatoes. The milk on her pie is soy (tofu) milk. That gurl has energy, energy to stand by what she believes in, from sugar, to margarine, everything has to be produced ethically right. I am not oriented in any other way, just because I had occassion to see some of the primitive processes, and I can easily say that no cruelty is done, but then again I probably had more tolerance than others.  Tolerance not indifference mind you.  Anyway, it was a very pleasant dinner, a mixed group, indeed.

Conversation went from childhood to religion.  How it is difficult for some who were educated in the pre-Vatican II were made to memorize the Baltimore Cathechism. The teachings which had a clear definition of things, how an infraction can send someone careening to hell and with the new teachings those who were caught in between had nowhere to go. 

He was being funny, he said it is difficult to believe, but his kids are studying in a Catholic School, it is kinda like the idea that being a Catholic is like ball in chain, yet he still believes.

Some of us played scrabble, Tea's friend, jokingly said, for a Catholic you cleaned out pretty good.  To that we had a good laugh, true we can be labeled as such, we like being so..

Hey I was able to nudge a friend that her ploy of disappearing so that we will miss her, actually worked.

But I am digressing, I would like to share the things that I am thankful about:

• family (given)


• friends-great ones, am discovering and seeing a different side every time...


• dysfunction, then I am able to see what is and what isn't


• relationships, good, failed, and the wishful


• recognition that there is a God, and the sensitivity to recognize


• to black Fridays and grey Thursdays (althought we didn't really participate) I got a cheap slow cooker


• the growing consciousness of the need to care for the environment (I actually pledged not to buy bottled water)


• compassion not pity or worst patronizing


• the thinking people around me, they make my world colorful


• the ability to be still and savor the joys of life


• happiness

Thanks everyone for making this happen..

Of writers, authors, and bloggers..

Obit: Mailer « NEARSIGHTED BROAD

Norman Mailer has passed, earlier this year, the Death of a Salesman author passed, I thought it was Mailer, to anybody who knows me well that's normal, not the death of Norman but my lack of details. Anyway, I enjoyed Harlot's Ghost and the Death of a Salesman, reads of long ago.

Mailer in Harlot's xx  even showed me how to remember details by association, not that it lasted long.  Anyway, there are writers and there are writers, I noticed that modern writers these days are making things so simplistic, that the power of imagination is not even tickled. As what a friend said it is like a narcotic, a temporary feed to an additction.

I am discovering even bloggers in Wordpress and of course in blogspot. I am finding that there are professors who maintain their blog for their students. Some are authors for reference materials on subject matters like economics. I tried to recall books that I used for my academic preparation ages ago and only found a few, but a recent read called Freakonomics was mentioned and I am pleased with that, that I am getting my facts correctly.

I am tagsurfing on topics like faith, Catholic, life, food. And was drawn to such enlightening accounts of life and faith journey of some. I have also seen a change in tone of some of those that I follow, evidence that writing, especially if it's not recital of facts it can be a pure emotional exercise.

Oh well, I will be working on the backdoor next week, helping someone setup a website and a blog account . As s part of my geeky existence, I decided that I will continue moonlight, en gratis or for payment to create websites, content included, and everything else about computers. More on that later...

Now I am wondering if some writers will sell their soul, ho'ing to my friend, to get what they want instead of what they want to convey, or convey to get what they want.

Blah..

Julie: A woman

It must be devastating to outlive your child. Childless spinsterhood must have it's advantages. We had brunch this morning with Julie, she was so excited, talked about Fr. Seamus and the passing of his Mom. Julie was hoping that he takes a leave of absence so that he can grieve.Then her daughter Elaine came, was on the phone when we were cleaning up, she gave a note saying, her sister has passed, and she needs private time with her Mom, so that she can tell her.  That is really sad, I feel for her. She is a very realistic woman, prayerful, but moms will always be moms.

Julie was excited this morning about going out shopping with Elaine. Little did she know, that she will be buying an outfit for the memorial of her daughter. Sad, isn't it?

But Lordy knows what he is doing.

Emotions: a compendium or a pandemonium

Jubilant: Last week the neighborhood was in a jubilant mood, you would think that the second coming is upon us.  The reason, Trader Joe's just opened, that means they don't have to limit themselves to Safeway and Lucky's on the other side of the lake.  I was one of those who checked it out, bought some persimmons, saw quite a number of people from church. That tells us that we are indeed in a consumerist world.

Wonder: I was in a bit of a funk last week, belatedly, (I did say the party is over, some posts ago) wondering if I am doing what God wants me to do.

Contentment: Contentment is being in that place where there is no wanting, that feeling that everything the is needed we have. A difficult state to be achieved, noting that consumerist state. The first dictum in economics that I learned in college is that Man by nature is insatiable.

Happy: About life in general, my family, friends, my place is even clean:) T talking about her aunt said she is always happy, she has a happy marriage.  In my play of words, I countered, she has a happy marriage, becuase she has a happy disposition.  A relationship cannot be the result of a state of being, it is the other way around. Yes?

Sadness: The parish community was saddened yesterday with the news that the mother of our Pastor passed away, during the 9:00 am mass. She who brought him to life, taught him the grace and virtues to want to be a priest. I didn't know that I have an emotional connection with her that I cried almost to a howl. I pray for the repose of her soul, happy in a way that she will be with Him and enjoy eternal life.

Life: Between BS and PC

I listened to this book, a while back and thought nothing of it. It is about bullshit, how our culture has so much of it, that we think we can spot it from a mile away and be able to duck.  If I remember his premise right, he is saying that even if someone is sincere about what is being said, there is still a certain amount of BS into it.

Now with BS, political correctness, and that desire to be recognize, we must be floating in a sub reality having just a hint of what life really is but if it will be offending or too much to take, we can subsume things as life is still great.  Almost having blinders too scared to face reality.

I fear this kind of thinking will lead me into an unrealistic existence. I am not afraid of truths, I'd rather have it even if it hurts.  Why am I bullshitting you dear readers with this kind of theories so early in the morning on a holiday at that.

Not for me, though, I am coming in later today, a meeting has been cancelled, not work related, but we are having brunch with a senior member of our church. She is homebound these days and certainly misses company. 

Going back to my premise, I fear that even our faith is being reduced to BS.  No intention of being sacrilegious here.  I feel that sometimes in our desire not to offend, to be politically correct, we are missing the point, we try to find justification for our actions, and see affirmation from others.

I know all about Catholic conscience, discernment, my belief, love for God, and that I try to exercise with open eyes and the true compassion. My point: I am old, I don't need that, I don't need to be mollycoddled, nor do I dish it out. I sometimes hide under the excuse of being lost in translation and I am polite most of the time, we were raised to be proper I would say in a phoney, laughable manner :).

Let's just be real, no more BS, please.

Praying:

Notice the person, in between the 2 cars. He is a cabdriver in downtown Berkeley. He is praying in the middle of the afternoon, doesn't matter where.

Prayer is a recognition that there is a God in charge. That we need to ask, lift it up to him, be grateful for the things that we are enjoying in life because it is a gift.  Being Catholic, I used to say, I was just mouthing the words, I know about him, but we pray too much as a kid, I didn't know what it really means. 

It feels good to experience humility, stripped of self absorbed qualities, and just be oneself and be able to commune with God.

Party is over!!

Birthday

Originally uploaded by penoybalut


Yeah, party is over. Flowers are dry, presents in the closet, cards in the box.. Now, I am officially "old".

 Funny, I don't even mind, I am all for graceful aging.  In last night's Bible Study, we learned about the story the woman with 7 sons who were killed by King Alphousyns (?) who was later on killed herself, and another womon who was widowed and had to marry her brothers-in-law to continue the lineage.  Bottom line is all these earthly tragedies will not matter when we take our place with God hopefully in heaven. 

It is comforting, isn't it that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. To some there doesn't seem to be an end.  I read a story in the blogspher about a woman who lost her business, 1 son died and another has cancer, she has cancer herself. Her life is beset with challenges, but she is not giving up, there is some force within her to fight and seek that pot of gold, to hold God's hand and feel his embrace. 

So life goes on, on for the next rung (is that the right expression?)

Sunday morning..

Still have to get the frozen food from my manager's freezer, didn't have a chance to yesterday as I dozed off while on the phone with a friend. I was consoling her but I ended up just making sympathetic noises and drifting off but because she is in such raw emotional state, she didn't notice.  Now, I feel bad for not being there for her completely.

Anyway, I am looking forward to today, it is going to be a busy day.  I wonder when I will have time for projects that I have set aside. Maybe when I retire?

There is nothing epiphaniac or great realization about today's post. Just that I am happy, it's a beatiful day, the sun is out, sure there's laundy to do but that can wait. Lordy is giving me the day off, so that I can savor all these and enjoy Mass later on today.

Have a good Sunday everyone..

People: friends, life

They're getting married in 3 months, they don't know where they're going for their honeymoon. He wants activities, she wants to lounge, I say get a big boat, fish, while she lounges. :) We have bigger problems, we squeezed them to invite us, we don't have anything to wear, and we don't have a date. Ha ha, everytime we see them we ask how the preparation is progressing and asked them how many guest there will be, then we will add 2 and maybe 2 more, just in case.  This will be a wedding of the time, everybody is excited about them.

On another note, my friend's darling is quietly going around (there's only 3 of us that matter, he said) asking for the nod.  We gave it to him as quickly as we can muster, it will be nothing less than a wedding band on that ring finger. Does not matter where, how, just that ring and the promise of "till death do you part". He said on their birthday card for me that he is grateful that I embraced him in the group, that he is accepted.  Little did he know that there is no such thing as acceptance, we love her, he loves her, we love him.

It is my ex best friend's birthday today, she is 48. I remember one better time, when we were talking about our birthdays, we were probably in our late 30s then. She said something about us getting old and that we are approaching our 40s, I said that can't be, we can't be that old, if you want to hurry, go ahead, I can stay a little behind. ha ha.. It is sad that we are not friends anymore. I don't think there is anger, just that drifting apart. There were times when I pressed that 1-touch button only to hung up, not knowing what to say, where to begin.  We will probably reconnect, when we are old and wrinkly, when our hands are riddled with arthritis, and too slow to run away or to find a witty retort that is meant to slice the heart and cover it with salt. I hope it is not too late that it will be on a deathbed or near a hearse, as that is really a waste of good time.  For now, we heal, we forget, maybe later, regret the lost times that this silliness brings.

I have been to many weddings, to the frilly ones, the well orchestrated, the hurried ones, and  a few in Nevada.  I have been sponsor or Godparents to some, meaning they look up to me to guide them as they go through married life. So I said to my friends, when it's my time, I will probably just get married in a huff and send an e-vite to y'all that there's a get together next weekend so that you will meet my husband. My family will be copied in the same email, that's when they get to meet them too.  I was just joking about it, this friend said, somehow she sees me doing just that, that she wouldn't put it past me.  It is funny that the things we joke about can actually be an indication or a glimpse of who we are.

Okay, I better get out of here.. too much to catching up to do, eh.

Stirrings, longings of the heart...

Maybe, there is fear of intimacy. No, was my adamant answer. It can't be that, because I do go out, I explore the possibilities. But maybe it is my age or my culture, that I await for what God will bring the one to me.

Yes, I don't want something that is forced, something that needs a lot of analysis to continue. The need for the if, what, how, variables need to be answered. It will have to be a beatiful one, no discussions on each others characters. Beautiful that it almost feels like the Holy Spirit is upon us, then I know we have the stamp of approval. It will something not borne out of a whim but something that we both desire, forever.

JD. the now famous fungus hunter, I don't hunt for them anymore, I buy them dry. I have a jar labeled dried fungus. Yes, Virginia, it is food, mushrooms actually, not preserved Athlete's foot.:) 

Sorry, I got distracted there. Anyway, I was told that he said that when he falls in love it will be forever and that he hopes that the person he falls in love with will love him back the same way. True that things changes, but if it is that strong, it will weather everything.

I was happy when I heard that, because it verbalized what I have been carrying with me for a while, is that sheer naivete, too fairy talish.  Not if Lordy is in the picture. It is not something out of a story book, it is what Lordy wants. One can go on and on with relationships, like trying on shoes, see if it fits, if it does it stays for a while, until it gets overused or too ordinary for comfort. Then the itch for a new one has to be satisfied.

So  help me here, is this possible or is this a good theory?

Pinoy food and pinoy men

Last Sunday, we went to this Filipino restaurant called Tribu, food was good. I would make it the same way. Tribu is pinoy word for tribe, btw. My friends who are not stranger to Filipino food, they dated Filipino men, enjoyed it. Sorry no pix to show for it.

Anyway, on our way there, we were talking about how when my friend returned a call from this Pinoy, he didn't seem that enthused and ended the conversation by saying, well call me if you want to hang out sometime.

She reacted, saying that is what's wrong with men. They don't know what they want, if he would have asked me, I would have gone out with him, as a show of respect.  But not like that, she said,  "she had to be woed", she opined, that men can't throw the ball  at her to make the decision, she will have to have a say in all that. She concluded that they will not get what they want, if they don't go for it.  Which is why men end up with who they end up with.

I was quiet in my agreement. Why? Because I have been accused of that very thing that she is making a case of.  I have been told that I am irreverent, that I carry this it doesn't matter attitude.  I didn't explain myself then, but the reason for the feigned indifference is.  I don't really care where we go, company is more important, I can dine the way I want where I want on my own. That's my way of discovering, what they like, how they handle things, and make their choices.

But I guess, once it is placed in the context of what one wants and throwing respect in the mix that would indeed come out as disinterest.

Take that as a tip men of erring ways.

My hairdresser

I had a haircut a week or so ago. I have been going to this hairdresser for a while now.  He moved to a place that is not as cozy as the old one and his pricing is still the same.  I like it that he can take care of my hair.  He understands that I don't like to fuss with my hair especially when I am in a hurry to get out in the morning.  No products just blow drying, maybe a little when it is overgrown.

He takes care of me, we talk about restaurants food, places that he and his partner frequents.  He will boycott a place because of poor service or for being snooty.  We both go to this Chinese restaurant on a regular basis and he would complain how they stopped making his favorite dish, just because of the extra oil that it uses. 

Anyway, the trick with Chinese food, we found out, if your order has shrimps, make sure that the use the shrimps from the shrimp with cashew nuts, it should be guaranteed fresh.  We also discovered that if you think that a chain restaurant will having a heavier traffic will have shorter shelf life for its inventory, wrong, some can store food purchased on bulk sale for years.  Whow, that is too much. 

He has something to say about the French restaurant by his place. They don't itemize an order and when they did, he was charged so much for a salad.  I didn't like that place because they open at their whim, one can't arrange for a meeting at 7:00 as they can opt to open at 7:30 or not at all.

There is this restaurant that he said they probably are buying buckets of escargot from Chinatown and passing it off as French.  I said but you can buy the French variety in a can for a measly sum and just enjoy it at home.  But I would like to buy the fresh ones from Chinatown and cook it the way Mom did with coconut mik, not with black beans and garlic that the Chinese restaurant did.

To this my friend squirmed, she can't imagine that I would enjoy such delicacies.  Well I am provincial, we raise them for food. My rationale is if we will not use them for food then there will be an overgrowth, that will cause an imbalance in the ecosystem.  The reason why they are eating kangaroos now in Oz or sadly, why they are shooting the deers originally from Asia in Marin. It is the circle of life isn't it.

The week that was!

It's been a while, huh! The week was kinda hectic.  I made a presentation to the RCIA class about the saints. It isn't that it is the first time I am doing a presentation, it was because of the subject matter and my audience.  I felt that I need to exercise caution as whatever I say may affect the decision of the enquirers. Glad that it is over, I was mulling over it for two weeks as it got closer, the feeling got more intense. To the point that it felt like I was going to have a thesis dissertation or a panel interview.

My refrigerator died, if it has a mind of its own, I will think that it is silently complaining, kill me now, I need to freshen up.  Well it's getting a total clean up,  now that it is empty.

One reader commented about a post it's funny that her name is the English version of the Spanish derivative of mine. She said don't stop complimenting someone. Wow, it's the first time somebody said something like that to me.

It is refreshing to see parents with God's grace raise their children with freedom to discover themselves, allowing their imagination to flow, with the discipline of love, the strong urge of conforming to societal norms denied. I was raised differently, that of being boxed in a quiet complexity, almost the pretense of the serenity of a Norman Rockwell painting. I think I was spared the goriness so that I will have the calmness of today. But I'd rather have a tumultuous existence, something felt, something experienced than a pale, boring one.

Wednesday Bible Study is doing great, we are on our fourth cycle, that means we are repeating Luke.  Imagine that! There was just the 2 of us wondering if we can have something like that in our Church. We formed one and have been fortunate to "Break Open the Word" with quite a number of people.  Then there is the core group, the regulars, friendships were formed, almost deeper than the ones that we had in grade school. Bonded by Lordy, how else can it not be great! Anyway, part of this core group is a character, he is quiet, unassuming, he would say things like, Catholicism is like a ball with chain or a disease that you can't get rid off that easily.  When cornered though and we don't have anything witty to say to him and we would just ask him pointedly, why or does he believe.  He would say it is between him and God.  We know he believes, he is always on the third row facing the altar, not just that, we know that he lives the way.  The group is not for everyone though, not for the ones who can't stand that we had to eat and update before we begin reading. I'm happy that those who stayed were the ones who did. Amen.