Yesterday, Thursday

Yesterday, Thursday, yes, pre-Friday, post-humpday as such not so busy not uneventful either.

I received a call from a woman in church, she had a mishap and would need help taking care of things, like grocery shopping. I am away and will not be able to do anything but I just know the person who will be able to. She is from the same neighborhood and she is one who is always willing to help. This is proof that the community is working, God's people are willing help and be helped. The openness is present, just as He wanted. I also heard that a few people who has been absent from the Bible Study came last Wednesday, wow..

Speaking of phone calls, travails of motherhood and singlehood, also had my phone line burning. Colic and aceite de manzanilla, cost of special formula, moving back to San Francisco, there is excitement in her voice despite all the time consuming details that comes with motherhood. On another hand, there is lawyer's fees for a family property, a practice, finding HER man, the father of her child, and other family issues. Details that makes her wonder, when it is going to stop, when is she going to finally have something that she can call her own. I can only say one thing, "Have you tried praying?"

Back in my world, on a lesser scale, we finished early, had time to meander a little bit, rest, and dwell. There was hospitality night at the hotel, I just partook of dip and chips to fill the gap. Then we went to dinner at Basil Thai, the decor was well thought-off, the price was okay, the food was good, well prepared. What was important was we had occassion to break bread with someone from another office (SCO) got to know her, which wouldn't have happened if not for this TDY.

Oh, but I didn't tell you about Sunday, for some reason I wanted to have an emotional cleansing, women do this, we just had to cry. I culled on the sad stories, there was no good-makes-you-cry Lifetime movie. Nothing, I wasn't able to reach the desired renewal. Maybe it was a silly process, that there is really nothing to empty at that point, it is not that I am ecstatic, in 7th heaven, about my life. There is the stable, contented existence with Lordy in it, that I momentarily overlooked. I do the heart emptying everytime I talk to him, therefore, nothing accumulates that would require such a melodramatic preparation to heal.

An ode to that black hole called misery...

I am tired of hearing about you, you're heavy and mean, you're a load to carry..
you manage to take the joy away from people dear to me, you rob them of the glee of friendly encounters, steal the pleasure of basking in the glory of God,
you make them wallow in self pity, regard people who love them with distrust..

Confidence are gone, replaced by doubt. Doubt in everything, in finding happiness. Finding blame in all and are pulled down in this black hole.

Why do you have to win? Why do you have to take the upperhand in their vulnerability? If you would please flee forever and grant them the freedom from your grasp.

Let them enjoy life, have a rein in their thoughts and their lives, they deserve it. So go away and set them free.

attempt...

Today, I was inspired to try to write a meaningful post.. What about I asked, myself? My day?  Random thoughts? Ego is a big blob of self that can cause real damage to people.  I feel pain, pain of betrayal, of indifference, of neglect, but I dare not confront that person, lest she realizes that she can inflict such a pain. I am a caring friend, at least I thought I do, but maybe I am enabling them, so that I will feel needed? So that I will feel important..