Funny, silly, crazy, and everything in between!

Do you want to cook on Friday? Says the email, of course was my response.. I was thinking, maybe I will make a pie.. I didn't have a chance too, they came laden with ingredients, for dinner and Christmas presents. See the chocolate pretzels? That's not mine, ha ha.. We were treated to ratoutuille (sp) and mulled merlot.  Absolutely delightful, the main part is the conversation, which led T sprawled on the floor with tea splashed all over.  (Sorry girl, I had to share that:).

But that's not all, we took a friend to a hotel where she is billeted for a week, she was not thrilled with the prospect -- it is something that she had to do.  That dampened our spirits -- we consoled each other with more mulled drinks..

Does that count for contemplative period during Advent?

My Oakland

Despite what's going on around some neighborhoods, I still love Oakland, crime rate is on the rise as in other cities.  A blending of old and new, signs of affluence and poverty, multicultural, just lovely..

Nebulous week.. let's clear it up..

It is almost Sunday, the week is almost over, I just got back from the church kitchen preparing for a hospitality even tomorrow. As I look back, the following thoughts, heard or imagined permeated my consciousness.

Catholicism is multi-cultural
Life is dark and bleak
Idolatry
401k
Value of life
God is above all this, we only need to reach out

At an RCIA class, somebody opined that Catholicism is multi-cultural.  I silently agreed, respective cultures are incorporated in the Liturgy.  She wasn't able to support her premise though, when she talked about color, how it is regional in a sense.  I can feel the hair on the back of the neck of some members rising.  A defensive reaction, being colored myself, I tend to ignore that distinction.  What riles me are the pre-Vatican era believers who professes their fervent love for God and yet unable to show compassion for their neighbors.  Ah, more prayers, please.

Then there are those who just refuse to accept the Grace of forgiveness of being saved, continues to look at life as dark and bleak, that there is no hope.  That the burden is so heavy to last a lifetime. Constrant prayer makes us closer to God, resulting in faith, hope, and charity.  Ah..

Are we turning more to idolatry rather than to God.  Remember the first commandment? i come to realize that when we say idolatry, it is not just putting other god before God, like an image. it is me, wanting perfection, you believing that the opinion that matters is yours, or someone who does not have the patience while driving, someone who can't accomodate a request lest it messes up the schedule. it is some of us older people, worrying about our dwindling retirement funds, there might not be enough when the time comes. It is all of these that makes life unpleasant. 

if i look at it deeper, it all boils down to our inability to let go and give it all up to God, we have done our part we let Him take care of it. Really life is so much fun, let's not complicate it.

But hey, i had a wonderful Saturday, a friend gave me a pair of boots that i always forget in someone's car. AFter Bible Study over dimsum, a friend gave me a ton of tilapia fillets, which we will serve at the hospitality event.  Anyway, the menu is:

egg salad served on wonton cups
chicken salad served on Belgian endives
tofu teasers (for T and Luci) served on celery stalks
fruit salad
iced tea
wine
bagel bits
tomato, mozzaarella, and basil salad
and much more...

We enjoyed the process of cooking cutting up the ingredients, one person was in charge of the oven, one with the veggies, one was mixing up, etc.

Oh well, that was not a very smooth has been segue was it?

Last Week..realities abound..

Sunday, I was awoken by a persistent ringing of the telephone, forgot to turn off the ringer. A lazy, sleepy response, muttered a hello, the response was a rushed, it's my birthday and I am alone. Okay, where do you want to have brunch.  So we had a rushed celebration, she was able to share her pain, the heartaches, of course I was crying. Strong as she is, she can smile, laugh, joke about life.  Whew, what a day starter, Mass was great, I know, I cried, too much left fresh emotions..Illness in a friend's family, the big C; and I thought I have prayed for all just causes, I found out something horrible.

Something that broke family relations, something that broke fibre of beings, a real test of faith. I just had to sit back and take everything into perspective. I can see His hand in all these, totally amazing, how situations are corrected, a brighter tomorrow comes, without any shroud of doubt.

All these nudged me into a realization that He is reminding me that the first commandment is there for a reason. That there shouldn't be other gods before Him, not the shoes, not that new craze on food, even a better Church, just Him.

It was my birthday..

Yup, it was my birthday last week, it was a quiet celebration,  a reaction to the economic downturn that seems to brew into a recession. I am somehow nudged about this storm that's slamming the country and the world. There's got to be a positive note somewhere, somehow, maybe that of going back to the grassroots, living simply, realizing that consumerism does not make up life, that it is merely a tool. There are things that need to be savored and enjoyed, like our faiths, our lives, and the people around us.

The week before my birthday, I have been cleaning, doing LAUNDRY-my nemesis, the bane of my existence; it took a while to put everything away. That resulted into my downsizing, simplifying, and getting rid of things that I don't need anymore.  Whew, am still not finished but I am beginning to see light.

While doing that, I was able to make macaroni salad (Pinoy Style), recipe below:

crushed pineapple
raisins
carrots boiled and squared
pickle reslish
onion finely chopped
mustard
mayonnaise
hardboiled eggs sliced thinly
salad or elbow macaroni
chopped celery
salt and pepper to taste
pickled bits
boiled chicken shredded

  Portion according to desired quantities. The mixture presents a very colorful, fallish dish. Scoop mayonnaise unto a bowl, drop ingredients individually mixing throughly as you do. After you have determined the right amount and taste, put the macaroni in. Mix thorouly, chill, and enjoy.

Wait, so during Wednesday's Bible Study we had a celebration, then a gathering at a friend's house for cupcake decorating, it was a pleasant birthday. Will update with pictures.

Conformity

 The visiting priest at Our Lady of Lourdes had a different take on the Gospel, his was that of knowing what God wants us to do. It is not obedience or conforming but what we are called to do.  It makes sense to me as to the other Catholics of my generation who grew up with all the rules, without being able to understand or savor that deep relationship with God.

Amazing Colors of Fall

,

Today was perfect Oaklandish weather, wasn't able to resist clicking on my phone's camera and share these beautiful fall colors. 

Lordy is great!

 

 

It's Okay to Love Them!

It must be confusing indeed being born to your parents who didn't know what they want.  Without much guidance they tried to live the life that was right, but they were young and not really sure how to survive. They can only dream for a perfect life with as the center.  What they did not figure out was the possibility that because they are young, what they thought of as true love was a young love that cannot withstand the challenges of a grown up world.  Separation was the best solution, that allowed for your growth without the pain of bickering of lost love and therefore lost hope.

Now that your parents are with their adult loves and seemed happy with it, with children of their own, it must be confusing for you. Here you are, you were suppose to be the center of it all, now you are connected to two families. You probably feel left out, alone, and excluded from the equation.  But if you look at it from a different angle, you are lucky, you have your parents, step parents and two brothers, including even the relatives of your brothers, your step families. Wow, that is a big one, a whole lot who loves you. 

Did you feel it is disloyal to love your step relatives? Not at all, they are your family too and deserves your love.  No reason to withhold it from them, it is no one's fault that your parents are not together anymore. Besides what's the point of finding faults, just love them and savor the fact that you are surrounded by a lot of people who loves you..

A Magnified View...

I forgot to have my eyes checked until I found it difficult to read; for a while I relied on this magnifier. The glasses took too long to arrive, of course it has to be a stylish one, which the optician claims was ordered direct from Europe.  Yeah, right and I am the queen of England, eh! And I thought that I won't have to use these implements for a really long time.  But hey, it worked, gave me a bigger perspective.  It is not macro view that is wide  but an enlarged one, I was able to see the littlest specks.

Ah, how refreshing to be able to see things on a higher scale..

I was reminded of my faith sharing at RCIA recounting how I was clearly doing substantial compliance and not really establishing a personal relationship with God in my younger days because of the confusion that the Church and society has imposed itself upon me. Then there were the readings and the Gospels the past weeks and next week, where I was struck with the following verse, "Amen, I say to you, tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God before you. When John came to you in the way of righteousness, you did not believe him; but tax collectors and prostitutes did. Yet even when you saw that, you did not later change your minds and believe him."

My friend reflected that this calls for us to claim ownership on our sins and be responsible for it.  I agree, most of the time we rely on that scoresheet, comparing the gravity of our offenses, searching for something that will mitigate. Truth is, since we are justified by God, we should be righteous by Him, therefore our offenses are against Him too. So, we can't disown others just because they don't think like we do or have a different way of expressing their faith.

The idea was confirmed when my boss called me and a co-employee to share her personality analysis. How flexible is she, how these results can be used to make adjustments so that she can be a successful person both in her career and in her personal life. I was not interested at all, I merely said to her, not to lose herself in the process nor change her personality for that perceived success. I had to check myself, I wanted to say, try God.

 

 

September 21, 1972

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferdinand_Marcos

September 21, culled memories of my youth. The Philippines was confused, there was total silence, no media, nothing. I was in high school then. My parents, who were apolitical didn't know what was going on. 

This happened for two weeks, then we were awaken with the news that Martial Law was declared.  Commoners that we are, we were not directly affected, but to a young mind, that made me realize that someone can actually dictate what one can do and think on a larger scale.  But then again this was not much different  from the control that le parents has implemented and the persuasive way the church was leading us.

Indifference can go a long way indeed.

Pho and those Vietnamese Delights..I am Past the Blogging Impasse

Whoa, I think I am past the blogging impasse, the writing occurrence is back.  I tell you it is not a pretense when the writers are saying they are having a block. Even my electronic mumblings drew a blank, I credit my editing class for that; because of the consciousness to dot the eyes and cross the tees I lost context and

became so aware of the form.  Not a good thing, as long as the ideya is there, one Pinoy colleague said.

Anyway,  I found this Pho restaurant, Pho King, through a friend and discovered a dish that is now a favorite, the Vietnamese Pancakes (Banh Xeo). So between slurps of pho soup and big bites of pancakes we talked about our faith, our concerns, and other issues that cloud our existence. This is where we have allayed our doubts and somehow gained confidence that we are going to be okay as long as we are with Him.  Girl downloads, seeking validation, approval, even a slight tap on the wrist saying it's not kosher seems to be all appropriate as words are uttered with bowed heads, evading a reaction, and just pretending to focus on the flavors of the pho.

Now, I am a regular, I go there for the pancake, I have influenced my Pinoy friends to this version of our ukoy and mami. 

Pho King
638 International Blvd
Oakland, CA 94606
510.444.0448

You love her, she loves you; What's the problem?

Don't really care about the place, my first outing was a disappointment.  The beef stew was not as flavorful as I wanted, there is nothing redeeming about the place and it was expensive too.  A friend wanted to go there to check it out, the girlfriend is into these kind of places.  Though, I must tell you that the neighborhood is in serious want for white linen tables, such that anything new is wowed and salivated on.  So when the text came, "anyone for lunch?" I said yes, imagining Pho.  Ditched a Pinoy lunch, was ditched for Japanese noodles, so I said okay. 

The service was slow, between lectures on friendships, I am not judging but, and I didn't call because..  I managed to ask the wait staff, "What makes the sandwich Cuban?". The response I got was, "It is a traditional food that their family have everytime the chef's family have a get together in Cuba." Okay, that didn't answer my question, I rephrased the question and got an answer about maybe it was the roasting of the pork. Raised eyebrows about my impatience, I decided to enjoy my lunch and listen and react.

The sandwich was alright, a little pricey for a Friday lunch.  Cuban sandwich, it turned out was a grilled ham and cheese sandwich with pickles and roast pork in between. The bottom line of the afternoon, however was that friendship is not just going out to lunch, attending get togethers, we have to look also when we are enabling or when do we get off and remind them that there is always the alternative. I was reminded of the gospel last week, about calling the attention of a brother who has erred. But how do we know when we are reminding and not interloping. When are we not judging, if someone's behavior runs counter with the norm, knowing full well that the norn is not necessarily the right one. Ahhh, that is why we have to be in constant prayer, for guidance, for peace, for light, for trespasses, for compassion.. 

The lunch hour proved to be an hour well spent.  Back to work, where I took the rest of the afternoon off, I need to run errands and do the housework that needs my attention.  Well.. if only I didn't go to Antioch the day before for a "tulingan" lunch, the Tagalogs will understand such a call.. ha ha..

Franklin Square
2212 Broadway
(between Franklin St & Grand Ave)
Oakland, CA 94612
(510) 251-0100
www.fswinebar.com

Recipe: Champorado or chocolate porridge

I grew up with champorado, either for breafast or an afternoon snack, it always hit the spot. Yeah, we eat five times a day; this is usually paired with dried or fried fish, a sweet and savory combination.  I tried to recapture those childhood meals today at an RCIA team meeting that I hosted at my place.  The result, a huge pot of champorado with a lot more after some water dilution to maintain consistency.  Well, my Caucasion team mates are a l little coy about huge Saturday breakfast that they opted for fruit or something more recognizable. Here's the recipe:

     3 cups of sweet (glutinous) rice    
     8 cups of water
     1 cup of sugar
     2 cups of organic cocoa (Trader Joe's)

Rinse the rice once, (it is not recommended, but to be on the safe side) put on a big pot with the water. Cook rice until transparent, stirring occasionally.  When the rice is cooked, put the cocoa and sugar.  Bring to a boil, dilute with water to maintain consistency.

Presto! champorado is done! Best consumed hot with milk and paired with something savory.

Great comfort food. Now, I have a big bowl in the fridge.  Come over and have some.

Heartbreaks...put a brake on that hurt

My schedule, even play days, has been erratic, Saturday afternoon classes made sure of that.  That has certainly put a dent on time spent with friends; free times were spent more on catching up with laundry and other grown up stuff. Have not even had a cooking session, a movie, or the occassional St. Albert spiritual feed; on Sunday, I might.  Class is over and I missed the new one, I can ruminate of what I have missed and what Lordy wanted me to see..

Anywhoo, just like any, such a change provided  different opportunities to interact with others.  Lordy was showing me something I just need to figure it out.  You see being a member of a community, I get to share the excitement of a new day, the promise of hope, a new tomorrow.  That's the upside, the downside, I put out my shoulders, my ears are big to listen to the heartache, the failed love, the unending despair, where the end of a rainbow seems so unreachable.

I always say, that it is not His will, therefore it doesn't happen.  I know I have no clue as to how much a betrayal hurt that I am not qualified to even opine about it.  But this much I know, if a person did not think twice about dating her best friend's boyfriend then they don't really know much about what Lordy is saying in the Bible about loving thy neighbor as much as He is loved.

There is also that frustation in realizing that the woman that he loves does not fit the mould.  Therefore, the love that he thought he had is gone.  Is that really love? When he was talking about his feelings and his Christianity, I was wowed, saying to myself, that is great to find someone in the presence of God. The bubble burst and I was left with wonder; It was superficial a bad perception of how things should be.

ehhh.. What do I know?

Bit the Bullet, Spill the Milk, and other Cliches

I was going to say, no need for an explanation about my erratic blogging, but that will constitute a cliche, for why say it if it is not necessary, hah! The languange of the Queen has indeed envolved. Cliche is the subject matter of this afternoon's class. Something that is not really alien to me, since my native languange is expressed in idioms, most of the time. Examples are, "when the crow turns white" or "when the frog has hair" that means whatever is being said is impossible or as a crow is black and will always be black and the frog will never have hair.

I have been cooking, cooking well at that.  I find that the kitchen is a good place for me to unwind and because I have been haning out with another Pinoy, I have been cooking Pinoy food.  Following  the marketman does not help my cuase :).  It is really good therapy for me, I can think and figure things out while slicing and sauteing.  I will venture into baking soon..

Anyway, it's been a month since "my so called friend" divorced me. She sent me an email saying she is severing her ties with me, even my being her godmother. I laughed so hard when I read it, it so ridiculous. Ricidulous because I pictured her, coming from the clouds in a godlike manner (not using the name of the Lord in vain here) Stop loving me! and the promise that I made to God that I will be with her to honor Him will be discontinued, sort of disavowing the covenant that was presented in the altar, the very place where we worship.

Afterwhich, my human being allowed anger to seep in. I figured any relationshp is a two-way street, there should be reciprocity. As the days go by, wisdom has taken over, I realized that this person may not even know what love is, cliche-ic as it may sound.  I drew this conclusion when she said, "you have not done naything for me". I was floored, I didn't know that there is a scorecard somewhere. There are things that I live by, I don't give to repay, I don't dish out empty compliments, or I don't show false affection.  Now, if they can't see how important they are to me, then I rest my case. Nothing that I do will make it evident, for what's the point of shouting to the world, actions speak louder that words.  My affection should be felt no declarations, necessary.

I am constantly praying for her that she will find emotional maturity, that she is able to know that there are people who loves her unconditionally.  Hoping that she will learn how to do the same. 

There, I have populated this blog with so much cliche, I should get a passing mark :)

Don't get dirty, your mommy will get angry by and by..

Hah, did that catch your attention.  Peeps from my generation will probably remembet that Pinoy comic strip satirizing the Pinoys who only speak English, forcing the help to speak the carabao english, like the pidgin, I suppose.  I was reminded about this because I am relearning English for my editing class and I must say that the language of the queen has evolved.  It is sometimes difficult to move with the times.

Nuff of that, coming back from a blogging hiatus, I find that I am such a romantic that I can easily conjure love stories from a snapshot of someone's life.  My victims are of course K and T. When we went to Chico, I imagined that K fell in love with a farmer and lived happily ever after.  She continued to be a teacher and Frenchified the farmer's house and converted him into a cultured gentlemen taking him to the opera during growing season. Then when she met a Latin guy, a new story has been dreamt. 

So coming back from Mexico, I was imagining that T met the man of her dreams while working with the sisters on a mission.  This led me to the conclusion, that what I will write on this blog, will not necessarily reflect my feelings, thoughts or food, but figments of my imagination.  Afterall, this is an exercise in writing, eh!

Seriously though, there are things that I find bereft of meaning or significance to my existence therefore does not merit a word on this blog.  Some I need to share to get out of my system.  Some I just had to talk about, just because..

So, there you have it, don't get dirty or your mommy will get angry by and by.. he he..

Looking back-a musing of sorts, amusing thoughts in search of my muse

There are so many things worth mentioning, as the past 3 weekends I was caught in a frenzy of being with friends whom I don't see as often as I wish. Then it goes in a cycle, that I would see them at least once a month to catchup mostly and to see if we are still alive and happy.  Hence, the question "Are you happy?".

But I was happiest when I met with this friend, well first she called and in her overexcited tone, gushed, I get it .. I get it, what you have been sharing with me.  What is going on, I am clueless, then she said, in a chuckle, it is all Lordy, I am happy because of Him. So I don't have this, my being complete is having Him in my life, all others don't matter.  Besides I learned not to take things personally.  I am liking this, whew, that took too long. That was momentous, I was almost in tears when she finished with her story. 

Wow, if that is the kind of news I am going to get, I will welcome that every time. 

Relationships that didn't work, we looked at it as a sign from Lordy that he is not the one, that it is time to search for someone whom she can have and hold. She is too busy anyway.  On another hand, there are relationships that are blossoming despite the trials, the differences in personalities, it is all sooo beautiful.

Plans of settling down, the roles that friends will eventually play in rearing children, in family life, I said, yes of course.  Themes, ahh too many to recount, all in a good, happy tone. 

Hotel T is abuzz, guest after guest after guest, she is celebrating these visits with cooking, movies, and short trips, I know she would sneak in a St. Albert's visit or two.:)

Next week is hectic, it seems that the world is revolving around the 21st, too many things going on, I would like to be in all of them, but can't have to choose the first one I said yes to. In the meantime, laundry and sewing will just have to wait for another day.

Coming from an appointment, I had lunch with Umberto Eco and his Travels in Hyperrality at a Vietnamese resto. I love how he weave his words, talk about maniacally faked museum displays.  He is a perfect company to this dish of fried fish in coconut milk with mushrooms and bean threads.  It was priced like dinner though, increasing gas price is affecting the food market severely.  Going back to Umberto, he didn't agree with another outing at a Japanese place with tempura udon, too hard to navigate.  But the Japanese place worked with a friend, now I am bloated to the point of stupor, and I have homework to do.

In the meantime, I am thinking of lavender spice, summer savory, and some marjoram, to grill some aging beets from a farmers market trip of 3 weeks ago.  I am sure it will be suffused with flavor and will make for an enjoyable meal.  That will certainly help extenuate indulgences of the previous days.

Speaking of aging, I was waiting for my ride, one morning at the lobby of my apartment bldg.  The lobby has this big mirror, to give the impression of roominess.  I was examining my morning fresh skin ha ha.. when lo and behold I saw this tiny wrinkles creeping on my neck.  Almost like the one's on your jeans when you pretend that it was pressed but just got creased in the closet but by the end of the day, the fabric would loosen and crease had vanished. In this case, the neck wrinkles will not go away, instead it will multiply, ha ha, I sure wish for every wrinkle there is that will grow on this face there is an equivalent good deed or some amount of wisdom earned.

Finally, to close this hodge podge of unrehearsed thoughts, somebody made a comment on "The sum of all fears" post and claimed that pride and God are synonymous.  Why does it feel like evil and good put together. Oh well, I am not going to respond to that, an oxymoron, that's what it is.

Chikka...

The reason for that is..

That sounded so serious huh!, my previous post, I mean  No, it is nothing profound, it was because it took me forever to create something out of a recipe.  Funny.. i know, i know, but I have been reading marketman and his posts on the pinoy cuisine, he talks about food, with side comments about culture and the pinoy ways.   Then there is Cafe Fernando in Turkey and a host of others that can divert me from the task at hand.  But there was a bake sale this morning for the church choir, so I had to participate.

That didn't come without some self examination. I had to look at myself (silly noh) to discover why it is so hard for me to create anything that is baked.  Once I was able to get over that hurdle, and figure out my fears he he, I was able to make a poppy seed lemon cake and  banana cookies not sure how it fared.  The exercise liberated me and I am now raring to make a red velvet cake.  My friend made butterfinger cookies, so good, it's amazing what you can do with a stick of butter, ha ha..

When I was undergoing PT for my tennis elbow, I had it conveniently scheduled around lunchtime, so that I can stop in Chinatown for good grubs. One time I went and just got some dimsum from the cart and was so suprised at the bill of what would normally be a less than 10.00 lunch.  Well, it turned out that the roast pork was actually a suckling pig.  I was not able to savor my food, I had an an attack of conscience like why am I eating a suckling pig, when it could have grown to it's full potential and fed more people.

Anyway, my forays with cooking has led me to less wastage, I made cherry compote, kiwi salad dressing, and lemon preserves.  Oh, just because marketman of marketmanila.com had this  a series on lechon making, I made my own version using the ronco rotiserie, it was pretty good, but of course I had to eat it in small doses lest my cholesterol give in to the surge. I also made paksiw na ulo ng salmon, to the non pinoys this is salmon head cooked in kamyas a sour fruit from the tropics.

Life is good... :)

The Sum of all Fears

With gratitude to Tom Clancy for the title, content not included.

We often hear about "fear of itself".  I think the sum of all fears is that of rejection. We fear failure for we don't want to be ridiculted. We fear success because it will bring an expectation, a higher benchmark that may result in failure.

There is also the fear of the unknown, fear of being judged by our peers.  It is indeed a sad state of affairs that we are trapped in a momentous insecurity, the uncertainty of what will become and the rejection that may accompany it.

In yesterday's Bible Study, we talked about, our struggles as humans, struggle to be righteous by God, the struggle of reputation, that of __.

What is glaring though is, if we acknowledge, if we allow ourselves to be right by God and live by His words, it will bring love and compassion in us, ridding ourselves of these humanly ills, that of fearing rejection and a bad reputation. The refusal to accept God's grace.

This is further confirmed in today's gospel, when God said, He wanted to be known, to be loved, rather than receive burnt offerings. Ahhh, it is a strange world, we seek and yet we elude finding that eternal happiness, that contentment, because we refuse to give up that worldly malaise called pride, that self absorption that brings us nothing but pain.

Recounting the days..

The days moved so fast that I can't even remember where it went. I recall getting reaquainted with the Adobe Suite, trying to create kewl projects and more recently, P3, that complicated scheduling software.

My kitchen had some activity, inspired by the numerous food blogs that I have been visiting, I was able to make a small jar of preserved lemons, kiwi preserves, kiwi salad dressing.  Will try to make cookies for a meeting on Tuesday.

"xx is going to be the maid of honor, unless you want to be", an indirect invitation from a friend.  I replied, she knew you first, let her have that honor.  I know, I will always be special.  Indeed it is, to be a part of someone's life is an honor, something that is cherished. Realizing that as we grow with more wisdom, we are able to discover and understand the roles that people play in our lives.  The closer we are to someone the more complicated it is.. Complicated in the sense that our umbillical cords may be connected, without respect it will be meaningless.

Anyway, as the title says, recounting the days, that is I wasn't remmebering but re-calculating the days, the future, as I see the lives of others, I get excited at what I see. The future the almost leg buckling promise of what it will bring. Sometimes we don't even notice, we go full charge without even hesitating, the anticipation, heart pounding so hard I can almost hear it.  But wait it is theirs, not mine, the eagerness, the beckoning seemed so real, as I was watching in the sideways.  That's it, I was only watching, therefore I can cheer, make a few adjusting recommendation.  I was not part of the play, that's why I can move as freely as I want to..

The arrival may not be as grand as originally envisioned, it may come unnoticed, just because there was noone to enjoy, to savor the joy of success, but rather, a new game with a new set of players is on stage, replacing the ones that just occured.

I am at it again..

Changing the design of this blog.. I tell you, the color of the current onedoes not seem to agree with me, it was on this design that I was able to express myself better.  I am a proponent of the idea that to be able to produce, the environment must be conducive for it.. So there..

Speaking of expressing myself, for a while I battled with the question as to WON I was writing to express or to impress.  Althogh, there is nothing impressive about this work, I had to step back and examine the true motivation for this effort.  A tool for expression, was the answer that I was able to glean.

I was nudged by my cousin about the irregularity of my posting, I just don't feel the urge, there is not much to tell, nor was the occurence present.  At this time it is back, I have rearranged my apartment, so I am inspired.. Wow, how profound. Spoken like a true writier.

Susan Lamott, of the bird after bird fame was at our church for a book signing to benefit the SJs.  She was the one who said that writing everyday was an advice that she received and the same one that she is giving.

I will try to get back on the wagon with a speed that even you will notice.

Found on a Church Entrance

Dear Parishioners: Please don't leave your bags, wallets and cellphones unattended. Others might think those are the answers to their prayers.

Copied without permission from http://edikdolotina.blogspot.com/ Sorry, can't resist sharing..

There is a bug on your ear...

Do you notice how a lot of people now are sporting these blue tooth (wireless) earsets. It used to be cute, I even had one myself, when it was first introduct in the market. It seems that it is taking over the person's being. 

So if you're in a conversation with someone who has these thangs, the likelihood of an interruption is great because that telephone needs to be answered as if it is the end of the world.

Remember about 5 years ago when the head set was just new, people looked crazy, they appear that they are talking to themselves.  There is a point here, we are getting so consumed with our telephoning habits that we might forget that we are putting ourselves and others at risk. 

The company that I work for has this policy about talking on the phone while driving, increased incidences of accidents necessitating companies to be involved. Please it can't be that important that you have to multitask while driving.  Think about your family and the family of the ones that you are putting at risk.

Yun lang..

The days that I was silent..

The days were stumbling against each other, each determined to be the one that is remembered, recalled, reminisced, and talked about. The flowers are wilted, the vase water is murky, stems rotting from soaking in the water, accepting defeat, having seen glory days, it's time to retire.  Those were the Passover flowers from T's mom, she brought them on Maundy Thursday, that was a long time ago.  A lot has transpired since then, but that day will always be remembered.

I have been browsing food blogs by Pinoys and was totally enjoying them, having my daily fill of Market Man, the scent of green bananas, desert comes first, and lasang pinoy. In between that Mark was at a standstill, he waiting if his love will say yes. 

That got me distracted from the general factotom, the humdrum of life.   I was beset with these quiet anxieties coloring my days. No, nothing grave, I guess it goes back to the responsibilities of my existence.

Anyhow, there really is no point in going back and overanalyzing things.  I chose not to, I remember as a kid (prekindergarte) I used to agonize if I am going to make the right choice of finding my mom in sea of people looking like her. I was imagining that my love for her will guide me in finding her amidst the seeming clones (cloning was probably just an idea at that time).  I probably was an unloved kid to have that much drama. 

I would have talked about a friend of mine who is undergoing such trial, but I didn't want to diminish his existence into a mere read.  That's why you don't get details here, I want you just get a whiff of it, maintaining what's private and kept in it's place.

I am undergoing PT good thing the person taking care of me is nice and gentle, I wouldn't want to risk broken bones with these swollen and aching muscles. I tell you, it is a challenge to age gracefully. There is something that I noticed about life, we like to label things, people, creating a picture using our own lenses, then we are disappointed if they don't appear the way we want them to.

Food for thought

"One of the reasons so many singles are dissatisfied is that they're looking for a change in status to define their significance, rather than finding a purpose in life, granted by God, that gives them significance regardless of the status they're in."

Courtesy of Touching the Soul

In reverence...

There will always be people whom we revere and relegate not necessarily in a pedestal maybe on  a higher plain.  The religious leaders for one, I can't remember the legal parlance, nor the reason for it. But I suspect  that having taken that vocation of ministering to our souls is certainly something noble.

In my efforts in deepening my faith, I have met quite a few nuns, priests, ministers, and the like and I must say that I have not outgrown that manner with which we defer to them.  I do have a shoolmate in high school who is now a priest in Denmark whom I have communicated with, a brilliant lawyer when I used to work for a bank in the Philippines who decided to give up everything and joined the monastery. There was a diocesan priest when I was a child who was so fond of me that I would receive religious icons as presents to the envy of my classmates.

At a conference that I recently attended, one of the speakers is Fr. Stan, in the picture, he is rare in his desire to reach out. He is one cool priest, the type that one can jam with and still minister to one's soul.  One kewl priest indeed.

Anent to a friendship post

On my responsibilities of my being post, I quoted a chain email about friendships, the kind that fills a hole in our beings. Someone to cry with, to reason with, to celebrate, and a host of other reasons that make our lives complete.  I have a friend whom I would meet for dinner to sort out our feelings and talk about things, sometimes so deep that it almost touches our gut.  We analyze and make sense of how we feel. Then we come out laughing not necessarily able to resolve what torments us but find a rationale for it.

During the passover dinner, one guest, a Jesuit brother, commented about my seeming silence. Little did he know that I am a blabbler mouth, but with him and the Nobles, I felt I should be in my best behavior, I do try :).  Conversation led to the Myers - Briggs personality types. I can't remember mine, but posing some scenarios, they readily concluded that I am an introvert and some other letters that I will never remember. It's funny that when I am with friends and there is not much conversation flowing, I would always think that we are feeling each other's presence. No conversation is necessary, we are comforted by that silence, not an awkward silence, where one does not know what to say.  Hah, it is just our personalities exhibiting itself, nothing profound.

But today or was it last night, I saw someone online, I hit him, begrudgingly asking if he got my text message greeting him happy birthday and why he hasn't responded. He was a blast from the past really, he was my love from days of old. He responded, he is good considering he just got out of brain surgery. I said, "you're kidding, right?" and continued to ask him what he did for his birthday. It was devastating to know that indeed he just had a brain surgery, from an undetected brain tumor. His officemate having informed his brother that he has been having headache episodes at work. He sounded like his old self, not even worried about it, he just had to make the best of his odds he said. The odd being he has a year or so live. So sad, I didn't know what to say... He is a faithful Catholic, I know he draws his strength from Lordy, but... I am still sad.. say a prayer for him, please..

Post Lent, Easter meanderings..

During the Holy Week, I was in a bit of a funk. My arm is bothering me and the cortizone shot didn't fix it.  Being in physical pain, of course didn't help my disposition. I was overly sensitive, morose at most.  So when a friend asked if I disclosed something that she told me, I was taken aback. What that translates to, for me, is she doesn't trust me, that I am such a blabbermouth. Of course, I didn't, now if it were good news or something else I will be the first one to announce to the world, even blog about it, ha ha.

So I carried that pinch in my heart for a long time (and you think I don't have drama) with the pain in my arm, until I felt Lordy hitting me in the head. I almost heard Him say to me, How dare you, expect trust from another human being, when sometimes your trust in me wavers.

Okaaay, that was an instant attitude correction. I needed that when I feel I am strong and confident about what I can, I forget, that it is nothing be Lordy's, not mine, there I am good, hoping to be better.

On another note, I had my first experience of a Passover meal, a "Noble" tradition, that I am so honored to share. Truly amazing, to break bread with them in a holy way. Wowww..

Then during the Easter Vigil, we ushered the new members of the church through Baptism. I am a sponsor to Pam, we journeyed through 6 months of RCIA and there they were drenched in oil, a very moving experience.  Friend T was also confirmed.  During the ceremony, our Pastor,   in his homily said that it is time to forget about arrogance, our self absorptions and be peaceful and love one another, or something of that effect, I was hit again in the jugular.  It was indeed a momentous event, the Holy Spirit was upon us.  To top it all, I renewed my own baptism with people who are dear to me, who has been with me in my renewal of faith. When I rediscovered Lordy.

Ahhhh such a great feeling.

Heralding Easter with Mousakka

mousakkaOriginally uploaded by penoybalut

I was planning on cooking something special for the passover meal mentioned in the last post, moussaka. I never got to because I had to clean, I am perineally cleaning or worrying about my laundry, if you haven't noticed. How profound can that be? So I finally made it on Holy Saturday, boy am I proud of myself, I was able to follow a recipe to the letter, such that I had to go out and get some cloves. And the recipe calls for only a teaspoon of it.

This recipe compliance is inspired by the mostly pinoy food blogs that I have been foraying, since I discovered this wonderful outlet,  ha ha, you can see that half of my blogroll is mostly on food.

Anyway, it came out purty good.. the photos may not have done it justice but it was well worth creating havoc in my kitchen.

SanMig in TJs

Woohoo.. San Miguel beer is sold at Trader Joe's.  Not that I care for beer, but this is a product of the Philippines and has the greatest market share in the Philippines and perhaps greater part of Asia. 

Yeah, I never acquired the taste for beer, it is bitter, can't understand the refreshing taste that some folks associate this drink with. I remember hanging out in my younger days in the Philippines and the gang would go for the happy hour where the price of beer would be discounted to so much such that they would buy it to about 3 or so per person and I would stick to margarita. That is one glass to their 3 :).

I had my first sip at  a young age, my dad's style in better days, is let us figure out if we like it, now, what child would like the taste of beer? Even our dog didn't.

Seriously though, try it, they say it it's good. There was a beer bar in the Philippines that sells all kinds of beers from all over the world and I still went for Coke.  Boring...

Random thoughts on Maundy Thursday..

Took the day off today, figured I should get an early start hear Mass, clean, and meditate.  My mother's voice ringing in my ears from days of the past. You should fast, be quiet, God is suffering today.  This is when my best friend would spend the Holy Week with us, we were learning to smoke and looking at the mirror doing the frenchie smoke and making round shapes of smokes that we exhale.  What were we thinking?

Anyway, Wordpress news :0, Patrick whoever he is would like to buy jeepney in the Philippines,

he doesn't like driving in PI.

There is a guy in Perth who will auction off his life, house, car, job, friends, etc. he is so distraught being separated from his wife of 5 years and 8 years of engagement. That's one way of dealing with life.

The author of the book "Tell me where it hurts", had a dog patient who is almost hermaphrodite which is a result of cancer creating a hormone that enhances the female reproductive system.

There is someone in Texas trying to create a 7-list of food on Thursday.

My arm hurts like it's draining the living daylights out of me. That's what I get for cradling the pain, instead of moving it around.

So many things going around each second, I can almost hear it buzzing, lives webbing their own, different from mine. I don't think I would like to live someone else's. I can gape, appreciate, and imagine their tales of joy, live it vicariously. But not actually live it. I love my life, it is mine.

Honor system..

I had lunch was it last week at a Thai Restaurant, the owner came up to me and we chatted a little, I forgot to bring something to read. I was gingerly eating my pad thai, removing the cooked bean sprouts, thinking I had to stop at a drugstore to get real polish remover. I was in that state and after I ate,  I just walked away without paying. I realized my folly, when I was at the drugstore and I still have unchanged bills.

 Quack, hmmm so I called, apoligized and said I will just drop it off the following day. I didn't end up going back, instead I just called and gave him a charge number.

My favorite chinese restaurant has my ATM number so that he can just the food that I order, when I am in a hurry to stop, such that he would just be outside his resto and hand me my order. This doesn't work all the time, as once he gave my food to my hairdresser.

Am I in some province or what? I have de-urbanize Oakland. Yeah, I feel that Oakland is smalltown USA, to which I friend outrightly corrected me, it is a big city alright.

Oh well.. There is really nothing new about my posts, but to be a better writer I have to regularly translate my thoughts in writing.  I did say I am going to be a writer when I grow up..

Magandang gabi po!

What you eat..

I had lunch with the boys at work in the Oakland Seafood Market, it was somebody's birthday, we had to have noodles.  Although, they don't have that belief in their culture, we figured he might as well.  Noodles for long life eh!

So, I was reading the menu, frogs, snails, intestines, etc. one mentioned that he used to like it when he was younger, but he is starting to think about what he eats. I joked that he is getting to be too westernized, what's wrong with those. He said, yeah there can't be anything wrong with that God made and gave us those to enjoy.

Speaking of food, while waiting for at the doctor's office, I was reading my prayer book, there is a section on How to be a better Catholic, and it is talking about fasting at least once a week, and something about abstaining from certain foods.  I remember when I was younger, I kept saying it is not really the food that the abstinence from mean refers to but the call of the flesh.  My argument didn't go very far.

This is not an attempt to diminish the practice, I recognize the need for self denial to establish a deeper appreciation of our faith, a full stomach,  a threat to our carotid glands will certainly distract us from our efforts to be closer to God.

 At dinner last night, I agreed that sometimes we tend to over think our faith. It shouldn't be, feel it, practice it, and enjoy.

Oh, well..

The responsibilities of my existence part 2

I jokingly made an irresponsible remark about a friend  asking what he is praying for, he goes to two Bible Studies a week, Way of the Cross on Thursdays, just prays a lot. Another friend came back with "you may as well leave him alone, you are not too bad yourself". I was silenced, alright.

I recently have occasion to review my associations and the responsibilities that come with it.  It seems that I was unknowingly placed on a pedestal, truly an uncomfortable situation.  I know I am loyal to a fault, there are secrets that I will probably take to my grave. I have relayed news of illness to family members, not mine. Announced a friend's civil wedding to avoid questions about a non-church vows. Of cancer affliction to a group of friends, just because a friend does not want the awkwardness of relaying the information. Where I draw the line is telling a friend's daughter that the father that she know is not really her biological dad. A friend's mom wanted me to point a few home truths about her daughter, my friend, that life involves work and responsibilities. TThat doesn't seem to be enough, it seems that my behavior is still not up to par.  I should run a newsletter huh! It is either I am nosey or a pushover.

I was feeling funky the past week that went on to the following week, nothing great, I felt that my being has been assulted by so many negative waves around me. I allowed myself to be affected by things said, it was during last Wednesday's Bible Study that we reading something about "being given the lips so that I will not rebel", that I was shaken out of my doldrum. 

I will never condemn, but I do react if I don't agree.  Why else was I given the ability to think to rationalize if I will just bow and kowtow to someone for fear of offending.

Their choice are theirs, the only thing I can do is opine and pray, that it is the right one that they made.

If only we will stop romanticizing things, then life will be simpler.

Anyway, this is just an attempt of figuring out not justifying. I do realize that there are responsibilities to our existence. We can't just go prancing around, trudging on life without affecting the lives of people that we touch. Now, I am careful about what I say, wait that doesn't seem to rhyme.

I would always harp about my culture, how we react differently to certain stimulis or is it stimulus. Generation it seems, is also part of the equation, the baby boomers are different from the yuppie (almost forgotten ones), the x, the y, and now we have the milleneal. Therefore, an open mind should be present at all times.

Part 1 of this post sort of made sense to this post, while we can't please everyone, there are just friendships that is right at the moment when we need it.  I have a friend that we just mutually realize that we can talk and dissect our emotions, not just a one way download. Six degrees is it?

Poor service (part 2)

I went to a physiocist, a Pinoy at that, and we didn't even speak a single tagalog word, awkward.  I would have said, bakit ba ang sakit, take the pain away will you.  Anyway, I didn't even attempt, he could have been mistaken for a Chinese guy, but the lozhic (logic) is definitely Pinoy.  The way I deal with these professionals is almost here's my arm, it hurts like crazy and impedes my movement, now makit it go away.  NO, he has to present the choices and give me examples and awaits my decision.  Of course, I opted for the quick fix, an injection, later on I will have to go into therapy and limit my my mousing and keyboarding acitivities.  At worse, I will have to find alternative means of making moolah..

 Oh well, after the doctors appt., it was almost lunch time, I saw a sign that says Oakland grill, I followed the sign and it took me to an almost seedy side of town, where the produce and flowers wholesale district. As I entered the place, I said I will order to go, just want something grilled and easy.  After I ordered, I was looking for a chair to park my rear when somebody said hello.  Okay that's weird I wouldn't know anybody here, this is a little far from my hood.  Who could it be but the person who botched my delivery a couple of posts ago.  It turned out that this restaurant is the owned by the brother who half owns the cafe where I had breakfast catered.  Anyway, so as I was paying, the owner, said he heard about what happened and he talked to his dad, he said my money is not good in his place. They had to recompense me for that stress..

The food is not that great, but how can I complain, they took it away from me because I didn't pay for it.  Oh well, having missed breakfast that day, I'd say it had to hit the spot..

The responsibilities of my existence..

 This has been circulating for a while, makes sense

When I was little, I use to believe in the concept of one best friend, and then I started to become a woman. And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God will show you the best in many friends. One friend's best is needed when you're going through things with your man. Another friend's best is needed when you're going through things with your momma.

Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be. One friend will say let's pray together, another let's cry together, another let's fight together, another let's walk away together...

One friend will meet your spiritual need, another your shoe fetish, another your love for movies, another will be with you in your season of confusion, another will be your clarifier, another the wind beneath your wings...

But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day, or where ever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself... those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many it's wrapped up in several... one from 7th grade, one from high school, several from the college years, a couple from old jobs, several from church, on some days your mother, on others your sisters, and on some days it's the one that you needed just for that day or week that you needed someone with a fresh perspective, or the one who didn't know all your baggage, or the one who would just listen without judging.. those are good girlfriends/best friends.

Men are wonderful, husbands are excellent, boyfriends are awesome, male friends are priceless... but if you've ever had a real good girlfriend, then you know there's nothing like her! I thank God for girlfriends, those who honor intimacy, those who hold trust, and those who just got you back when you feel like life is just too heavy!

Poor service..

Twenty-eight percent of my job is administrative, the rest is billable, so I arrange catered meetings, my joy really. I recently coordinated a pay-day social and used a cafe that we usually go to for Sunday brunch. The day before the event everything was arranged, the delivery person went to the wrong address and when she finally figured out the correct address, she didn't have the complete order. Meanwhile, I had a roomfull of hungry people waiting. Pretty frustrating. 

Talking with the restaurant owner later, he offered to shave off a certain percentage off the bill or offered to take care of me when I visit his restaurant, I told him I'm not interested, just said that I hope he understands that I will not do business with him again. He keeps on persisting, saying he had to make me feel better with all the stress he caused. I was adamant, then he said but he persisted and later said make him feel better. 

Hah! Where has good service gone to.

New theme.. Again??

Yeah, yeah.. you can tell I am bored with my themes, I am planning to create my own theme, just don't have the time to do it. 

I have been reading food and photography blogs, pretty amazing.  There are talents out there. Also, there are Pinoys who are great.  Truly impressive.

---press, rootword...

Oppress - burden spiritually and mentall

Suppress - to exclude from consciousness

Depress - cause to sink to our lower level; dejection

Repress - to exclude from consciousness

You probably thought of iron, bench press, or meat press. Press in the tone of human suffering is more the subject of this post. From oppression to depression, all these are limiting to one's being, to one's dignified existence.  I was once asked if iI think that oppression exists in a democratic society. I responded in the affirmative society, poverty, and beliefs, to name a few, can be oppressive.

The reason for this post, some of these press words, we encourage. Sometimes, peer pressure or just the way we put ourselves in a box creates that "press" presence. On another hand an oppression through power and money can an external application, where the spirit can remain intact, despite the attack. How? I believe the mind and emotions can deter those attacks with Lordy's help, of course.

 

 

Oakland Seafood Restaurant

Last year, I talked about escargot by the buckets from Chinatown. The Filipino equivalent of which is kuhol, although we cook it with coconut milk and ginger.

The picture is from Oakland Seafood Restaurant. The way they cooked the snails is not that great but the garlic crab and the pork belly is just

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

wonderful.

People « www.mitrajosue.wordpress.com

People « www.mitrajosue.wordpress.com

Just a quick one to get a better understanding of my culture, maybe a little bit of me.  Last Saturday on a serious :) conversation with a friend, she gently reminded me that I am getting to be too Western for her Asian skin. I hastily disagreed noting that I am Asianizing anybody I associate with and would always inject the Pinoy way of doing things.

gud nyt...

Of friends and friendships..

It is already 1:45 and I am still up. I slept most of the weekend, my numbers were off, lack of caffeine via diet coke, at least that's the only reason I can think of. Hah!

Somebody in the mother ship at work lost a laptop with employee data on it, mine included.  So I had to register for fraud alert with the major credit monitoring agencies.  It sounds ominous reading about lost identity. Just a couple of month's ago, a credit card used by someone to buy gas and telephone cards. Good that the card company noticed the unusual transactions.

Anyway, going back to the theme intended for this post. We have friends and we have friends, people that we love, we gravitate to because of some commonaility, making for a happy interactions. But what if these attributes does not exist or cease to exist, then we begin to find fault. What used to be cute :) or spoken of fondly becomes an annoyance.  But giving in to such behavior will create an imbalance.  But wait, Lordy wants us to love others like we love love him and it is really when it is more of an effort that we are acting according to his wishes. Okay, I better get of the wagon before I get lost in this argument, but do you think that makes sense.

Hmmm, I lost my train of thought, so with that I am closing this post..









?

Forgive me, I forgive, peace be with you..

Today was not the best of days until the RCIA session. We talked about the Sacrament of Penance and that of the Annointing of the Sick. Two important Sacraments that involves, healing and forgiveness. 

The exercise was that of forgiving and asking for forgiveness. At first brush, it looked like a mechanical exercise, the human in me was ready to say in a Godly tone the "I forgive you, peace be with you line". but as I dwelt on it, it got to "Please forgive me".  An amazing exercise.  Segueing into healing. forgiveness means letting go, relieving oneself of that burden of pain, of guilt...

T's creation really...

My creationOriginally uploaded by penoybalut

Here are some of the pix when we cooked roti or is it chapati?

Enjoy

Native inhabitants...

I had lunch today with the boys at work, conversation of course led to sports, barry bonds, the steroid trials, etc. I feigned interest. I don't understand any of that, but I understood the theory that fans liked it when the players are performing better than normal. That creates more ticket purchase, higher arena seat demand. There that is economics, but it all boil down to greed. I was glad when the conversation moved to a plan to spray an insecticide all over California because of moths discovered in certain areas that will cause damage to vegetation. The insecticide is said not to have been approved by EPA.

Oh well, we seem to have solution to everything, removal. I seem to remember inherent characteristics in organisms, animals, even humans, that of adaptability. Balance will not be achieved if there is that assistance, to enhance, when it is too much we remove. Hah, life.

As I am writing this, I was reminded the things that I was going to write about in the first place. Trust, without trust life can be a very lonely existence. If we have not found trust in God, then trust is not achievable with others.  I say this because there are people I know who are unable to trust, always wondering if they are going to be taken advantaged of. Older people in this case, would tend to enlose themselves in a tighter cocoon, not knowing where to face. Then comes the loneliness. On the other side of the equation there are those who may not trust fully, but are willing to buy people off so that it will not be too lonely. It is a sad, sad world.

Then there is the issue of boundary, how far are we allowing ourselves to get embroiled in somebody elses problems. I don't have qualms about doing that, it is part of my culture, your problem is mine, not necessarily mine is yours. I remember studying about our the Filipino culture, how we are hospitable to a fault. There is this thing called Bayanihan, where everybody teams up to finish a project, everything gets done, in the process. Where am I going with this, I am recalling my little idioncyncracies that is distinctly pinoy or me.

Like I accidentally dropped dvds unto a mailbox, then i called the post office and asked them to drop it off the video place. Then I asked them to pick up a cake that I paid for from a bakeshop in the neighborhood, everybody's happy, I didn't even get charged for it.

Or when I asked a mongolian resto staff to look out the window to see the phone number of the El Salvadorian restaurant across the street.

I would bargain for a discount even if it is the classiest dept store or would spend time trying out thousand dollar shoes just for the feel of it, then go to Ross to buy the cheap one.

My boundaries, I guess are not in that regard, but more of respect, more of giving the person the breathing room to be themselves. I do let people slip away from me sometimes, I also don't give in to surge of emotions, instincts. Always allowing for the what should. For instance, a friend wanted me to have her extra keys, I pretended ignorance, that should be mom's. I didn't want to ingratiate myself between them.

Yikes, does that sound like a hardsell, please don't look at it that way.  You can tell I am trying to figure out somethings here.

Bah...

Chapati by Theresa

These days, some of us congregate on Sunday evenings cook and watch movies.  I took pictures of some and will share, it was exciting to make flatbreads, at least it quickly in a pan to cook. Can't figure out how to add a link to the pix.

Anyway, it was a fun activity. Too much time spent on the pix drained my interest on the subject. Is that ADD or what..

The food that we eat, as Pinoy as we are..

In case you haven't noticed, half of my blogroll is on food, cooking, picture, taste, and color. I am particularly taken with this one, http://www.marketmanila.com/, he explores the old pinoy cooking, the way before it was obscured by claims of gourmet origins. please feast on the pictures, it is tame, tame in the sense that I have not seen a fish head or anything like that.  We are a little adventurous with our cuisine, having been influenced by the Spaniards, Japanese, American, and the neighboring regions, like Malay, Chinese, etc. after all there was already a bartering of spices before they came and claim.

Anyway, food will tell you a little bit of our culture. We are also good with our words, we tend to conjugate our own, if we are not speaking in a formal manner. For example in my Filipino class we learned words like, smagol meaning flip flops, I guess they were smuggled in the country from where I don't know, or syurpit, for surefit - the golf hat, more like a visor, I guess it is a perfect fit, here's the funny one, chair is silya, from spanish but in official pinoy lingo it is salungpuwit, literally translated it is catch butt or a... however you put it.  Isn't that rich, now you can stop wondering why my English does not sound like it should ha ha..

Magandang gabi po!

Valentine's day..

Happy St. Valentine's day! I received quite a number of well wishes on heart day, even my Mom played on.  Of course, I thought that they must be thinking that I am a lonely old soul.  ha ha.. just kidding. You know it doesn't bother me, that I refer to myself as an old maid.  Where I am from at 25 and you don't have any defined plans of getting married or joining the nunnery then you are a candidate spinsterhood and wonder your desirability level. I don't buy into those things, but I didn't realize in this society that there is a negative connotation to it, like a loser? bah!

I can't  remember the story of St. Valentine, nor did I bother to check it out. A friend mentioned that it was a little less known saint until Halllmark created this marketing blitz that it is now the second most card giving holiday, the first being Christmas. But why do I recall prison, unrequited love and a piece of red cloth in the shape of a heart, death. Oh well, can someone enlighten me, please. 

When I was younger we try to stay away from those dating establishment before, during, and after the actual V-day. We have this theory that the befores are for girlfriends, paramours, the actual for mothers, fiances, and the after the queridas, etc. ha ha.. no, the celebration is so commercialized that we didn't want to add to the heavy traffic that the event brings.

Friday, finally..

Yes, finally, it was a hectic week but I didn't seem to accomplish anything.  Pssst.. I succumbed to the convenience of wash and fold, although, she folded it differently and didn't use the products I gave her, now you can smell my clothes with detergent a mile away, and I'm not scratching yet.  Laundry has always been an issue with me, I never get caught up. So, I did, sorry it is a big deal for me, I never said I am profound ha ha..

Then, in those days that I was quiet, I contemplated, as I always do. Took stock of myself, like my motivation for this exercise.  I am sure it is not some kind of a megalomaniacal stirrings. Otherwise, I will be walking with head support ha ha.

Hey, I was going to talk about my week, yeah this week, it turned topsy turvy for a while there, the Regional Manager (he is new) came had a meeting with us. Before that, I met with him and a reporting dotted line functional manager. His opening salvo  was that we are going to have a fresh start, hmmm what is this all about, are we going to get re-baptized here.  It turned out that our former manager was fired from her functional role, she is a sad person and have slighted almost all of us.  He said something about work sharing, water came, I tell you. I just hate justifiying myself, I am a misnomer, as I am not aligned directly with any technology nor any tech practice, I like it that way, I have some administrative tasks but I have to be billable 72% of my time.  Nuff, it is boring me already.

 Do you notice, how sometimes we let people in our lives slip away and some we just refuse to let go. It is not that we don't have that emotional maturity, it is because we are comfortable with them.  Remember in previous posts, I talked about conversations, how we shouldn't persist. I think some of us get into this misplaced notion that conversation is measured by the amount of words we spewed out, what we have contributed to the topic. I think sometimes it is not that, sometimes listening is what conversation is all about..

My faith theory..

Sorry about the first post, somewhere between publish and save I lost my entry.  No I didn't intend you to meditate on it and find the answer ha ha.. I was just thinking, sometimes we mystify our faith, such that we lose the reali meaning or appreciation of it in our lives. We have this tendency of dwelling of what we should and shouldn't do, how we manifest or exercise this practice, and wonder why we can't seem to fill that longing.

I think that with so much of that separation or compartmentalization, we fail to integrate it in our daily lives and therefore lose it in the process.  Am I making any sense? I feel that if we pray, as praying should be done (is there a different way:) it will encourage goodness in us, therefore will allow us to accept God's grace and therefore bask in His Glory. Surely we can't be prayerful and still be critical of others, or pray and attend mass and lose that compassion to someone, who is not as complete as we are.

You may have read about a post about a friend's claim that God may have made an engineering mistake with how men and women are constructed and I responded that it is the society's fault and not God's, how we define things. Our inabilities now are a result of what we eat, the environmental damage, and all those things that we traded in favor of profit or consumerism. I remember recounting to someone how I grew up with all natural products, we reuse, but we deal with the insects with DDT and we were taking sulfa meds and paregoric, numotizine, etc. all taken off the market because it is not safe for human consumption.

God provided we just messed it up.  What do you thunk?

My theory on faith...

Conversations..

I attended a birthday party of a friend last Friday met some of her husband's friends, listened, and observed. Heard:

Curry is originally from England

Jesus has brothers and sisters

I didn't blow their bubble, just agreed it was just a party conversation anyway.  Didn't want to break their momentum, now it fit was a real conversation where I am really paying attention and interested in the subject matter, I would have reacted and refuted their facts. But I figured, what's the point.  Anyway, T observed that people can be self absorbed sometimes as they can ignore people just because they don't look interesting.  I opined, could it be generational, that some would like to be validated of their existence.  Oh well..

There is this blog that I am following and he said something like "you love God's laws not God", there is some truth to that we sometimes get hung up with what we shouldn't do or more so what others are violating. As I grow in my faith, I realize that if we are prayerful, then goodness comes naturally. Afterall, how can we pray and then be judgmental about others.

This is brought about by another conversation, I am being caught in the middle of a family imbroglio, money matters of course, friends who has money realizing that their funds are dwindling. That it will not last them a lifetime, it is difficult for me to relate because I work for my existence and my family that I help, not too much but enough to get the extras.

I helped a friend breakdown her "wall" she called it "discipleship", I don't know what it means, all I wanted was to enjoy her company. For her to enjoy life and get rid of that miserable burden that she is carrying. In the end, I asked her how she prays, ha ha.. my answer to all ills, she accepted that her feelings and reasonings are flawed. But this is after we looked at her theories and the facts in a logical manner.  If you are saying you are this, why is it that? If that's the case, why is it that this person has and still she isn't? Life is just so complex.

T observed that people just look at me with such familiarity that they can talk to me about anything. She said that with me there is almost no boundary, proof is I was asked if she is my daughter by a cashier in the supermarket.  Note that she is caucasian and I am as brown as brown can be. That one is funny..

Oh well, life is still great..

A cute red shoes..

Attended friends wedding last Saturday wore my red shoes, see the pix. That is one h.. of a pain.  And it was raining so the trip from the car to the reception was really a drag. But the wedding was beautiful, it was at St. Albert's chapel, a Dominican order seminary.  It was so solemn, they even prayed in front of the Blessed Mother, that made me cry. 

 The reception was well appointed, sarap ng tsibug, of course in events like that we meet new people, we were seated with a fun amazing  group, one was a pinoy and a couple of SJs, smart ones at that, I got tips on what classes to take on photography and a lecture on discovering our gifts. Discovered the history and culture of Congo, it was great.

That was a happy occassion indeed, we are happy for them, they know each other for 15 years, isn't that amazing?

Birthdays..

It is my mom's birthday today, of course, she texted me the other day asking about things. But that is a ploy to remind me that it is her birthday.  Then I reminded the clan to make sure that they don't forget.  Hah! No, it's not that we are that weird, heck I text my friends and family that it is okay to call me on my birthday. Without being very dramatic about it, my mom is an inspiration for me she is the best..

 It is also my cousin's birthday, she is my first best friend, we were so obsessed at going to church that she came to our place before 5:00 am and her dad grounded us both from going to church ha ha.. She just mentioned that when she was in grade 3 and she had chickenpox my dad sent her away, because she is contagious.  Only my dad can do that..Her dad shared his love for books. Not just books, but art philosophy, classics, at such an early age. But she sent me a message that says

Hello, okay this might be civilized for you not to ignore..

That was her way of nudging me that it is her birthday..

Just listen..

I was told that sometimes I rub people the wrong way, instead of making sympathetic noises I respond with a solution, ruining the moment. The moment of venting, of self abrogation, of sandbagging onself. I got a barage of frustrated, dismal repartee, whoa totally  unexpected.

Maybe, I don't want you to respond.

Maybe, I want you to just listen.

To let you know, I am hurting.

I was silenced, didn't know how to respond, all I wish is for her to be happy, not to carry that load.  It is unto Lordy, now. Sent through a silent prayer.

I got that, so when I met a good friend from college, yesterday.  Translation we were friends when we were barely in our 20s.  Now, we try to see each other once a year, during our birthday in October, we go to Chinatown, eat and shop. Such simple joys, the best time indeed.  So since we didn't meet last year, she had surgery. We met yesterday, updates.  It's funny that when we reach this age, we talk about hypertension, weight, arthirities, and all the bodily ills, before we delve on life, etc. 

I remember the old days, when we would have a ge togethers at my place, we talk a lot of nonsensical things but never did our faith figure out in the conversation. We go to church and pray in our own private way, but nothing is shared.  Now, we readily agreed that it was His grace that left her daughter unharmed after her car was totaled in the freeway, a hit and run by a drunk driver. How she is approaching her 25th wedding anniversary. It was a happy meeting, too bad she had to go to her appointment and I have to go back to work.

Taxi drivers are men too!!

In previous posts I spoke of conversations with cabbies, some more interesting than others.  This time I am noticing something, it is rare that there are caucasian drivers especially in the morning.  He had to stress the fact that he is and he has a brown passenger when he was out of his cab on the pretext of inspecting it.  Then he accosted my consciousness with high falluting words that does not even make sense.  Hah, doesn't he know that it is a downer especially if someone is planning her day.  Oh well, he maligned the other drivers saying that they are not up to par that they don't bring integrity to the profession.  At the back of my mind, I said "honey, I don't really care for all that BS, I need a ride, when I need it he he..

The other morning, the driver was an African guy who decided that he didn't like the fact that the Catholic Diocese is building a multi-million Cathedral, despite the homelessness and other economic issues that need to be addressed.  So, I said but there are hungers that need to be fed too, like the hunger of the soul. I asked him if he is a Christian, he replied that it depends on what a Christian is. I didn't know that there are different kinds of Christians he he.. I asked if he believes in God, Oh that I do, he proceeded. To silence him I said, it is the practice that makes the difference, how some likes to be God, when they should act like God in their love and kindness.

That did the trick.. I don't really undestand these offerings, the pretense of intellect, that what they are saying matters, frankly I couldn't care less. It is what they are conveying that does, what is hidden in those words and the inflections that come with it.

So the other day I got the same cauc guy, he went the opposite way that I am used to, he said there are other factors that the lake is not an exact circle, therefore it has a differing circumference, that the traffic, etc.  I was quiet ( that is grace, mind you) I let him bury himself.  Then he said would you like me to drop you off the other side of the building, you will have to walk a few, no, I don't want to walk.  So of course it took me longer, later than I already am.  Oh well.. I rest my case..

 What a return salvo huh! that I will talk about cab drivers, etc. Well, this has been a busy month for me, I didn't have the time to figure things out before I started the year, so it is as unorganize as it can be. I know it is an oxymoron, organization and I, it was just an idea he he..

I will be posting more..

Discrepancy

I saw the movie "atonement" over the holidays and the use of the c..t was part of the plot of the story. As the story progressed I was wondering not of the appropriateness but WON it the word was already being used at the time.   Yes, indeed the word was an old one, has the beginnings in the 14th century.

 Another thing that made me wonder was the use of flashlight, I am so sure that back then they were using torches or lamps and not flashlights with double a batteries I guess.

 Consistency is beginning to be a rare commodity. What ever happened to doing first things right the first time, eh..

Of mice and men..

As I was getting frustrated this week, I remembered that book by Steinbeck who also wrote "The Grapes of Wrath".  He is such a good writer and from California at that! Anyway, the Scriptures teaches us humility, understanding compassion, faith, humility, being less self absorbed, etc. being a bigger person, a man. The more that we are made aware of this, the more I see people struggling to be recognized, to be better than the next person, in doing makes a disruptive existence. 

 Nope, I am not trying to be the big one here, but I am naturally shy, except for the people I am comfortable with, that it makes me cringe when the self persists. It seems that wherever people are, whatever the purpose or the objective is, a discourse arise, because of that id.  It is sad, because we are giving in to the temptation of the devil.

On another note, I was talking to a friend, was it last weekend, she expressed surprise that she was invited and even have a role in another friend's wedding. I said, but you're friends and it is therefore expected. I said, seriously, because I am so comfortable in my friendship with this couple, if they didn't invite me, I will show up, I may not show up in the reception or eat, because I am prideful (I know it is a sin) but I will be in church, I may even ask, why I was not invited and shame them no end.  ha ha..

 Somewhere in this post, there is a point! I guess the premium we put in ourselves need to be changed.  It is ridiculous, it is like using high faluting words, making a statement pointless and nonsensical to make a person sound educated. It is like an uncouth person, a pedestrian dressed in gold.  I can go on and on, but it might offend your sensitivies, so I will just be quiet about it.

Dignity, importance is not measured by what a person does but what he does with his life.

Ay naku...

Men..

At lunch yesterday, conversation led to whatelse but men.  My friend has this theory, now is your chance to refute this, creatures of the opposite sex, that given the chance men will go asunder, they will cheat no matter what. A pretty disenchanted position, don't you think. She went on and justified this theory that values, education, faith, good qualities that makes a person desirable, without the risk of being caught men will cheat.

I was teasing her about a comment she made about her ex that he would drive her against the wall with what I thought are minutiaes, like driving (no pun intended) money matters, economics, education, etc.

There, I was nonplussed, the theory makes sense, for I have seen men who are close to me who would have or have cheated, the call of the loins. A sweeping statement nonetheless, there should be more faith in mankind and a belief that that surely our society is better than that.

2008, I wonder what it will bring..

Our New Year's eve gathering was quiet but I wouldn't say bereft of the usual "kwentong kutsero" and the enjoyable company. Even Ann stayed up late to greet the New Year.  One thing echoed in the table, that 2008 will be taken more seriously, goals will be set, I can't say what, lest you look at me differently.  A couple who are dear to us is getting married, a few equally dear ones will follow, some of us may just plunge in a different direction, not to oblivion, he he.

I wish you joy in your walk, to the aisle, to the altar, unto that door of no return. Yes, to everyone that's is my wish. I also hope that we don't get so tangled with these ideas of what should and shouldn't be that we forget about now, about being happy. That happiness is really not about what we have amassed but what makes our hearts aflutter, what gives us peace and serenity. Like our faith and a deeper relationship with God, with that everything else will follow.

I thought, hmmm 2008 will have to be

• 
  
  Healthier, eating better
  
  


• 
  
  Better organization
  
  


• 
  
  Completed projects
  
  


• 
  
  Implement more
  
  


• 
  
  Write
  
  


• 
  
  Compassion
  
  


• 
  
  Be with Lordy more
  
  

Color me not!

I am brown and proud of it, who wouldn't ha ha, I have a permanent tan, that's all. But I don't think on that basis, nor is my judgment influenced by my color. Well, maybe in the choice of food, he he.

Nope, I am not trying to stir an ugly discussion here.  I am noticing that no matter how much we say it is politically incorrect to refer to someone based on color it is still present in our cultures it is just called by another name.

I was talking to a friend, of a different ethnic background,  one day, the conversation lead to how much comment we get on the language and culture.  Sometimes the comments are so ignorant that it is hilarious, some have no clue whatsoever about how the otherside lives.  Then we talked about our dating preferences, we both like "boring white men", pardon the expression, it is really not derogatory. We came up with all the reasons, my main thing is primarily, I can't be attracted to someone of my color, it is like being with my brothers, therefore incestous, hello!!

I had to pull back from it all, it seems that the very thing that we abhor being defined by our color and respective cultures is the same thing that is taunting us. I vehemently defended my preferences to another friend one time, it is really not racial, worst is it the "Kingkong" mentality.  For some reason, the point that I was trying to achieve here is lost.  I would appreciate your comments.

I do have caucasian friends who are attracted to olive skin tones, I guess they subscribe to my reasoning? Or is there a need for one?

This post is supposed to be a lamentation on perceptions, categories, preconceptions.  I guess I will have to update more when my premise is more established. Here's to first drafts.

Post Christmas

The celebration of His birth, food, food, and more food, Phantom of the Opera, the Drowsy Chaperone, tears, joy, reminiscing, friends, family, gifts, cards, movies, restaurants, laughter, kitchen, prayers, wishes, and more..

Christmas came and went in a blur, not because I didn't celebrate, it was an overwhelming workweek and then it was time to leave. It was joyful, I heard from friends of old, whom I wouldn't have heard from if it were not for the occasion. Nope, not complaining, that's life, it is mutual, a silent acquiescence to the demands of the day. There are times  when the connection has passed and we want to reminisce the joys of days gone. To get a glimpse and perhaps still grab some of it.  Later on, it became just quiet sighs on the other end of the line, sometimes a quick card without any note, just a signature, when luck strikes, otherwise it will just be a pre-printed name with pictures.

The pleasure, is the bonus of the present, when we are savor the "now", when it is okay to be silent, feel each other's presence, when one can be on each other's face and not get tired of it. The surprise of the enumarable joy that each other brings, filling the void, the hollow of days gone yonder. Makes me want to wish that it is Christmas everyday.

The flipside, of course there is one, there is always going to be one, is the cloud of misery of another life, another being, where only prayer can seem to absolve the pain, the pain that sears through ones gut. Revelations, so painful that to wish for tomorrow is just the right way to do. Then, you shrug it off, dust yourself, and move on.  Ah, tears are shed, but then someone, someone stands up and take charge and says, it's okay, it will all go away.

Oh, where is all that coming from, can I just be in my kitchen, cook and be with friends and talk about nonsensical stuff...

Ha ha, merry christmas everyone, I didn't send out any Christmas cards, this year. Last year my reasons were of being green and thought I would just send out a general email. This year, I have no excuse, I thought I will be able to do so on the plane, but it hasn't even taken off and I was already in dreamland. That's why, you didn't hear from me, I will be better next year, promise.